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The chart illustrates the proportion of money consumption by three categories of products and services in five distinct countries such as Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey in the year 2002. >> 카테고리는 () 이렇게 괄호로 해서 three categories () 해서 언급해주는 것이 좋아요
At first glance, it is clear that the largest proportion of consumers' spending in each country went on was taken up by food, drinks, and tobacco. The Turks used consumed more than a third of the total expenditure for these categories the goods >> category로 분류하기엔 하나로 묶인 카테고리라 맞지 않다고 생각합니다, which was more than twice as much as the figure of Italy (16.36%) and Sweden (15.77%). Although leisure and education had the lowest percentage across all countries in the table, the proportion of spending on these services was also the highest one in Turkey with 4.35%. By contrast, Italian inhabitants in Italy spent significantly higher percentage of their expenditure on clothing and footwear at 9%, while people living in other countries just used around 5 to 6% for the fashion items.
To sum up, Europeans residents in the five countries consumed about a quarter of national consumers' spending for daily necessity like >> such as 가 더 좋고 아카데믹한 표현이에요 food and clothing in 2002.
ㅠㅠㅠ 한글 프로그램이랑 이 게시판에서 글자수 세는게 다르네요... 여기서는 120자라고 뜨고 좀 짧아보이기도하고... 중요한 부분만 언급하려다보니 Ireland, Spain, Sweden 에 대해서는 제대로 하나도 언급을 안하게 되었네요... 글자수도 모자르면 언급을 하는게 좋을지.... 그런데 그 세나라는 딱히 눈에 띄는게 없었어요 ㅠㅠ
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아일랜드, 스페인, 스웨덴은 언급한 바가 거의 없네요 어떻게든 하셔야 해요 이탈리아 스페인 스웨덴은 전반적으로 비슷한 소비 습관을 가지고 있다 정도로 언급하시면 좋겠고 아일랜드는 food 부분에서 굉장히 높은데 언급할 수 있는 방법은 충분히 많습니다 이 부분이 감점 요인이 크겠네요 단어는 Italian Spanish 등 더 다양하게 써도 좋았을 것 같습니다
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 7
6.5 예상합니다
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