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It has always been a big issue in this modern society that if a zoo is really useful for the world. Some people argue that it is operated only for people's greed. However, I believe that a zoo is one the of important places in this modern society. This essay has tried to cover both of mentioned views, and will explain my opinion. <(agree/disagree 질문입니다. 두 관점을 서술 하는 것이 아니라 글쓴이의 주장을 펼쳐주셔야합니다. 다른 사람이 생각하는 의견 보다는 글쓴이의 생각을 써주셔야합니다. 또한 has tried같은 표현은 피해주시는게 좋습니다)
On the one hand, some people think that a zoo is only for human's greed to own wild animals. Even though wild animals could live in their habitats by themselves, people bring them into a zoo and expose their lives to vast crowds since they believe that man can use animals for their purposes such as education. However, many people believe that is is a kind of animal abuse.
On the other hand, people that believe that a zoo is a good place think that it is not only good for humans, but also wild animals. Although wild animals have lived by themselves well, it is getting harder for them to survive in wild life because of many environmental issues like global warming. For example, arctic animals are at risk from the melting glaciers. People may not see them in the future if they are not protected in a zoo. Also, showing wild animals to people is not a form of animal abuse.<(why not) Of course, there were several problems caused by animals being stressed out from crowds. However,, it could be solved by an improvement of managing a zoo.
To sum up, there is an argument about necessity of a zoo. Some people think that a zoo is not useful, but only animal abuse. Others believe that it is very important to protect wild animals from environmental problems, even though there are some problems about stressed animals. My own view is also that a zoo exists for animals, not human's greed. Though some problems are founded in a zoo, people should make an effort to improve animals' lives in a zoo, not to eliminate a zoo for wild animals' existence.
Score: 5 Comment: 질문을 잘 답해주고 있지 않습니다. 만약에 discuss both views 질문이였다면 좋은 점수를 받았을 겁니다. 하지만 질문은 글쓴이의 의견과 주장을 물어 보는 것이기 때문에 이 에세이는 그 부분을 잘 satisfy 하지 않습니다. do you agree or disagree와 discuss both views/ advantages and disadvantages/ to what extent do you agree or disagree 는 모두 다른 질문은 입니다. 위에 쓰신 내용을 들을 가지고 글쓴이의 주장을 펼쳐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 그럴실라면 some people think, people that think 같은 표현을 피해주셔야합니다. 굳이 쓰실라면 그 내용을 반박을 하거나 support하는 내용이 필요합니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |