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Importance of foreign languages are getting higher in these days. It is true that it will be helpful to children will be helpful.<(아이들은 도움이 된다 라고 하고 계십니다. 아이들한테 도움이 된다 라고 써주실라고 했던 것 같습니다) if they study foreign language from primary school. It is also true that not all the effect of this has have been positive. Although, there are certainly some advantages. In the following the paragraphs, I will discuss both opinions and state my personal opinion. <(질문은 답해주는 thesis statement가 필요합니다)
A common criticism of this issue is that a mastery of mother tongue is more important to childhood. If a school teaches foreign language starting from primary school, children will be confused. For instance, it is claimed that bilingual children develop the ability of talking more slowly than monolingual kids. Another negative effect is that the purpose of education is not only to develop academic ability of students, but also to nurture their creative talents.This leads to the comprehensive growth of the personality of an individual.<(of no value. 특별히 주제와 관련있게 내용이 전달이 되고 있지 않습니다)
In spite of these negative effects, however, teaching foreign languages from primary school has brought important benefits as well. One such advantage of this is that kids understand much faster kids are much faster understand. This is because their brain is still lively and active like a sponge. So, kids can pick up a new language more easily up easier than grown ups older ages.
Another positive effect is that people who knows more than one language can find a job more easily who has language more than one can find a job easily. This means that Earth is getting smaller, calling Globalisation Multinational companies to want to employed workers who know has a various languages other than except mother tongue. Moreover, children has to learn other languages as early as possible in order to have more opportunity to student for get a the job.
To sum up, while whereas there are some certainly drawbacks, there seems to be more merits than demerits to early education of a foreign language. . it seems to me that early education of foreign language has brought more merits than demerits.
Score: 4.5 Comment: 내용상 주제의 장단점을 아시는 것 같은데 질문은 잘 대답해 주고 있지 않습니다. 질문은 장점이 무엇이고 단점이 무엇인가를 물어보는게 아니라 장단점이 있는 장점이 단점을 커버 할만큼 중요하고 더 좋은지에 대해 물어 보고 있습니다. 문법상 기본적인 문법을 많이 틀리시고 계십니다. 필요없는 곳에 대문자를 쓰시면 콤마가 와야할 자리에 period을 쓰고 있씁니다. 그렇기 때문에 incomplete하게 들리는 문장이 많이 있습니다. 또한 글쓴이의 생각이 잘 반형이 안되는 문장들도 있습니다. 그 외에는 specificity에 신겨을 써주셔야하며 문장구상과 스펠링에도 신경을 써주셔야합니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |