▶ Your Answer :
The line
graph depicts the number of books read borrowed by different genders between 2011 and 2014 at
Burnaby Public Library. J
Overall,
the number of books read by men was relatively lower than that of women. Women
read more books than that of men, which increased steadily, whereas men had a
sharp increase with the number of books they read and eventually overtook the
number of books read by women at the end of the projected period. <(Can improve. 또한 여성이 책을 읽는 수가 중간에 decrease를 했다는 점도 전달을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다)
From
2011 to 2012, the number of books read by men was relatively lower than that of
women. In 2011, about 3000 books were read by men while about 5000 books were read by for women.
The number of books read borrowed by women increased steadily to reach at 8000 books
whereas men experienced of a small increase to reach at 4000 books read borrowed in
2012. After that, there was a sharp increase for men to read borrow the books while
women had continued with their steady incremental trends. By 2013, there was
the same number of books read borrowed by both genders at about 10,000 books. After
this point, there were was more number of books read by men increased more than that
of women, which was comparatively to nearly 14,000 books (8,000 books for women) in
2014.
Score: 6 Comment: Reading과 borrowing는 전혀 다른 개념입니다. 또한 내용상 repetitive하게 들리는 부분들이 있습니다. 내용상 increase했다는 내용만 전달을 해주셨습니다. Women의 경우 increasing하다가 중간에 decrease한게 key point입니다. 수고 하셨습니다 |