▶ Your Answer :
The bar graph elucidates the three main
transportation modes, namely, between a train, air and bus, used inside of the US for a
century. <(그 century가 1900년 부터 2000년 까직이라고 specify 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다)
Overall, all three forms of transportation had
an increasing number of passengers except for the train. A The train was the
dominant form of transportation from 1900 to 1940 in 19th century and, but was taken which took over
by the air transport in 1960. The bus remained the same despite the late introduction.
To start with, about 25 billion of US
passengers used trains as the main transportation to travel around the city whereas
other two forms of transportation had not taken effect until the 1960s. <Need better coherence> The bus had
remained stable for the number of passengers. <(air는 1940년대에 시작을 한것 같습니다)
By 1960, American passengers frequently
used all transportation modes; the air recorded the highest number of passengers
than that of the other two transportation modes until 2000. The passenger numbers for air transportation recorded at approximately 25 billion in 1960, bus for about 10 billion and 15
billion for the train in 1960. These numbers had remained at a similar level except
for the air, where it increased drastically to well over 400 billion passengers
in 2000. Score: 6 Comment: 그래프는 잘 이해하신 것 같습니다. 다만 내용 정리가 잘 안되어있습니다. Repetitive하게 들리는 정보도 있습니다. 내용 organization/grouping에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 그래프의 units는 billions of passengers per year가 아닌 billions of passengers-miles per year입니다. 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |