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Every year, a number of animals undergo animal testing for new treatments. Thereby, humans are enjoying their lives far more safely. I would like to outline the importance of animal testing.
As mentioned earlier, numerous animals are suffering from testing to produce new drugs. As a result, they have been dying in pain. However, it is essential to encounter the new diseases which appear, so it contributes to improvement to the health of the human race. Assuming that we did not experiment on animals for new medicine or new products, there would be is no easy way to expect how people would react or suffer if mass disease outbreaks were to occur. Furthermore, it's better to do animal testing rather than human testing as it is cruel and goes against human rights. In terms of finance, experimenting on animals would be much cheaper.
On the other hand, some people argue about animal cruelty. I believe that they also would agree with its contribution to our lives. Speaking of the excessive procedure, we should have to regard them as human beings and try to do it in less pain. At present, we still have vast treatments, thus at least, we should test them after strong consideration and if essential, because some tests testing are carried out in order to test side-effects of new commercial products which are not important.
In conclusion, animal testing is essential and unavoidable for humans to live a safe life and cope with new diseases and infections. Before we conduct it, we should take its necessity into consideration necessity, to reduce the excessive and overused amount of experiments animals are subjected to.
IELTS 1-9 score scale
동물실험을 옹호하는 입장을 일관성있게 보이고 우려에 대한 보완점들을 제시하는 형태로 입장을 잘 피력해주신 것 같아요. 비슷한 이야기가 반복되는 문장을 줄이고, 대신에 어떤 점에서 더 금전적으로 (어떤 것보다) 더 낫다는 것인지, 왜 무엇보다 정확한 예측을 하게 해 주는지에 대한 구체적인 설명을 보완하는 형태로 다듬어보셔도 좋을 것 같습니다. '꼭 해야 하는가?'에 가까운 뉘앙스의 질문이므로 필요성을 강조하는 데 초점을 두어야 설득력이 있는 답안이 될 수 있을 거예요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! 아이엘츠 라이팅 채점기준 참고하세요 - TA/TR(Task Achievement/Task Response) 문제에 정확히 답변, 적정 분량 - CC(Coherence and Cohesion) 일관성, 응집성 - LR(Lexical Resource) 다양한 어휘표현 - GR(Grammatical Range and Accuracy) 문법 다양성, 정확성
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