▶ Your Answer : It is generally assumed in today's society that Nowadays, the major role of media is to share information and knowledge of all kinds in ways of broadcasting, publishing, and uploading on the Internet. In this sense, both the a bright side and the a downside of media are vastly associated with the contents that they offer this society.
To begin with, the points cited in favor of media are manifold. Firstly, we can be more aware of almost every features around us >> we 를 쓰지 않습니다 people 처럼 객관적인 시선으로 써주세요. The latest information about topics such as today's weather, risen tax issue, or international currency allows us to be more keen to changes of surroundings, and to prepare preliminarily. Moreover, the immense amount of knowledge from media, especially through educational channels, has led people to accumulate highly pragmatic skills or useful savvy with its accessibility and relatively cheap cost. >> moreover 는 새로운 주장을 나타낼 때 쓰는 부사입니다 한 본문엔 하나의 주장만 써주세요 In contrast, the excessive competition in media industry has sullied its merit itself. Too much tensions among broadcasting companies have resulted in the ocean of worthless information to attract more viewers and keep an more eyes on their shows and advertisements where they make most of revenue from >> 어떻게 수익을 얻나요? shows 와 advertisements 를 감시하면서요? . Unfortunately, it has become more sensational and suggestive as the competition is overheated. As a result, we have to worry about our children and even ourselves for getting >> get 동사 피해주세요 used to such violence and pungent images.
To sum up, the media has undeniable benefits in spreading ideas and necessary information, but, when it comes to providing sensitive substances, medias will threat people, especially children, particularly vulnerable to external inputs>>문법이 어떻게 되나요? threat people particularly vulnerable to external inputs ? 이상하네요 또한 한 문장이 너무 깁니다 잘라주세요. Therefore, to make good use of it, we need to pay more attention to contents of medias, and be more judicious about it.>> 결론 치고는 너무 상세합니다
문장이 긴 부분도 있으니 고쳐주시구요 수일치 등의 간단한 문법 정도는 바로잡아 주시길 바랍니다 본론 1의 주장을 좋지 않았습니다만 본론2는 괜찮았네요 결론은 말 그대로 결론짓는 곳입니다 문장을 전체적으로 정리시키는 곳이니 너무 심도있게 파고들진 말아주세요 수식이나 계속 이어지는 문장이 많았고 본인의 지식이나 경험에 대해서 예시를 작성하는건데 본론2에선 적절한 예시가 없어 충족치 못했습니다 예시가 나올 땐 For example For instance 쓰면서 확실하게 나타내주세요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 7 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0 예상합니다 |