▶ Your Answer :
It is universally
accepted that innate talents are very important and can be the most conclusive
factor in successful career in some areas like sports or arts. On the other
hand, some people assert that repetitive practice and education play a more
critical role in being a brilliant sports player or artist. In this essay, I
will discuss both viewpoints and suggest my opinion on the issue.
Even though it is
undeniable that natural gifts are an essential part in sports and arts, those
days that a few outstanding players could over weigh contenders with only their
talents completely are the past. As technology for physical management and
improvement has dramatically developed and teaching methods for artists became
so elaborate, people cannot succeed in these areas, not without relying on the advantages
of technology and methodology. As a result, people have to use them effectively
to become an artisan in their field and they cannot depend only on their innate
abilities any more.
On the other hand,
the effect of repetitive training is absolute. Musicians or athletes can figure
out their weakness and complement the problems while doing the same exercise. Furthermore,
it is evident that buried talents can be disclosed and innate aptitudes can be
also improved by iterate discipline. Therefore, excellent people with various endowments
should be trained repeatedly to contend with others. Besides, a good mentor can
recognize hidden gifts and guide their mentee to find them, encourage him to go
far than he can imagine. For instance, Park-Ji-Sung (이름은 다 대문자로 해주셔야합니다. 그리고 영어로 이름을 쓸때는 이름 성 순 입니다.) , who was originally an unknown
football player, could be a legend of South Korea football history because
Huh, who was the head coach of Korean national team, realized his sincerity and
diligence and selected him as a national team player. <(could be라고 하시면 가능성을 두고 이야기 하고 계십니다. 즉 박지성이 한국 축구 역사에서 레전드일수도있다 라고 하고 계십니다. 또한 코치로 인해 뽑여서 레전드가 됬다고 하면 reader가 잘 이해 안할수도있습니다. 어순을 바꾸시는게 좋을 것 같습니다. 허 코치 때문에 전설이 된게 아니라 수많은 노력과 진심 끝으로 국가 선수가 됬는데 박지성을 뽑은 사람이 허 코치입니다 라고 하시면 더 이해하기가 쉬울것 같습니다)
To conclude, I
firmly believe that brilliant sports stars and artists are created by diverse
types of components like a good master and education, repeating training rather
than a born genius. Accordingly, ordinary and untalented people do not also have to
lose hope, since there are still opportunities for them to overcome innate
limits and to reach on the top as long as they are making effort indefatigably.
Score: 6 Comment: 두 번째 문단은 질문을 잘 대답해주고 계시지는 않습니다.이야기가 innate talent 사람들도 살길이 노력이다 라고 들립니다. 하지만 질문을 보시면 원래 가지고 태어나서 talent가 있는 사람과 노력 끝에 얻은 talent 입니다. 연관성은 물론 있지만 reader는 질문을 잘 답해주지 않았다고 생각 할수도 있을것 같습니다.
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