전체적으로 well organized 된거 같구요, 중간중간 쪼그만 mistakes 빼고는 좋은글
같네요^^ Gud Luck ^^
Banned smoking in all public places.
It is a well-known fact that cigarettes are not good for health at all. Recently, it is widely spread out that smoking affects smokers’ own health as well as non smokers' health through secondhand smoking.others’ around them while smokers are smoking. This has brought a special issue whether to ban smoking in all public places or not. 그리고 마지막문장으로, 자신의 의견,(disagree or agree) 하는지 써주세요(topic sentence)(ex) I agree that banning smoking in all public places is appropriate enough...)
Some people believe that governments should not control where to people can smoke because smoking has diverse provides some advantages for in a society. To begin with, governments have profits from taxes on tobacco over the past decades. This fund has invested for building public parks, highways, or for helping poor people. Furthermore, cigarette industry is big and it had created a number of places to work.(or It had created employments,workplaces..). Also many smokers have argued that smoking is very helpful to release stresses from a work.
However, smoking has a lot of disadvantages despite of these advantages. First, smoking is one of the critical reasons which cause serious diseases such as a lung cancer, a high blood pressure, and a heart attack etc. Secondly, indirect smoking (passive smoking) is another dangerous problem of smoking. A few years ago, there was shocking news about an indirect smoking. A lady who had never smoked was passed way due to a lung cancer because her husband was a heavy smoker. Thirdly, heavy smokers stink of tobaccos. It could cause displeasure to others. Many smokers agree that they also hate to the smell of tobaccos from others even though they are smokers. Lastly, smoking costs money to buy cigarettes.
In conclusion, it is true cigarettes have various advantages for this society; however, it is reasonable to prohibit smoking in all public places for others as well as for smokers themselves.