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Over the last few decades, the world has become a small village. While there are some advantages in economic perspectives, other problematic issues have also arisen. I will discuss both sides of effects on globalization and provide my view.
It is clear that the globalization brings numerous merits in the economy. As more and more >> increasingly가 더욱 좋은 표현입니다 부사이므로 동사 뒤에 위치시켜 주시구요people travel, many local areas that host these travellers could increase their profits in tourism. The effects of tourism are so beneficial that would become a major source for local communities. Moreover, as many countries share the same TV programmes, it is largely influential for many industries such as fashion and food in a good way. For example, people spend more money on new items or food, if they watch those on TV.>> 세계화를 tourism에 한정시킨 것은 너무 부분적이란 생각이 듭니다 하지만 그래도 글의 흐름은 좋았습니다
However, there are also downsides behind of globalism. As many people travel, the visitors often experience discriminations or segregations against of people who live in local areas. Some crimes are committed due to the fact that many local people in tour areas consider the travellers as an only income source not an individual. In the case of sharing TV programmes, some major companies explicitly monopolize explicitly some certain industries, which may results >> 조동사 다음은 동사 원형입니다 in imbalance of economic development.
In my view, the globalism is inevitable because of the advent of technology and transportion. However, it is necessary for the government to educate their citizens about the adverse effects on the globalization. As f For individuals, it is important to be aware of what would brings to them in the process of the globalization.
254words
내용의 흐름은 좋습니다 하지만 세계화를 단순히 여행 등으로 한정시킨 부분이 논리적, 테스크에서 요구한 부분에 대해 맞지 않다고 봅니다
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0 예상합니다 |