▶ Your Answer :
With
an increasing popularity in sports games, factors leading an individual or team
to a victory has attracted attention among people. Although some argue that
strong physical abilities could have a dominant influence, others consider that
strong spirit is the most important factor. This essay will explore both sides
and provide my opinion with relevant examples.
The
foremost element of success in sports is attributed to physical strength and abilities.
If a player who is not physically fit, he cannot surpass his opponents because
better performance in sports is significantly related with the preparation of
strong physical power. For this reason, coaching staff and physical trainers
spend a large amount of time to strengthen athletes’ muscle and stamina. Before
Guss Hiddink became the coach of Korean national soccer team, the majority of
domestic experts ascribed the failure of the previous games to a lack of game
strategies, however, the most imminent task he found was to improve players’
stamina. As a result, enhanced physical condition enabled the team to reach the
semifinal <(semifinal of?).
On
the other hand, willpower helps to overcome the physical limitation. In the
national games, the distinguishable factor between the winner and loser is the
power of mentality as the most of participants have no noticeable difference in
their physical strength. In this regards, dedication for team and goal-oriented
attitude for a victory are more decisive elements than visible features, even the
factors can transcend physical disabilities. Lance Armstrong who is an American
former professional road racing cyclist would be an example. Although he was
diagnosed as having advanced testicular cancer and had to remove the his testicles. , with strong willpower, he overcame the hardship and became the top cyclist.
In
conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against the importance
of physical condition leading to win but I am convinced that physical strength
is required to perform and win the games. However, athletes’ mentality spirit should not
be underestimated. Against this backdrop, well-balanced physical and mental power
is a prerequisite for increasing winning rate.
Score: 7.5 Comment: 일부 silly mistake 빼고는 잘 짜여진 에세이입니다. 에세를 읽는 사람이 한국의 축팀에서 잘 모를수있습니다. 그렇기 때문에 semifinals가 어떤 경기를 의미하는지 말씀 해주시는게 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 mentality 랑 spirit가 비슷한 의미지만 늬앙스가 다릅니다. 이 에세이에서는 mentality를 쓰시는게 더 알맞는 것 같습니다. 더 좋은 formal 에세이를 쓰시기 위해서는 personal 한 단어들을 안쓰는게 좋습니다. 특히 "I"를 사용 안하는게 좋습니다. |