In many countries, weddings are getting bigger and more expensive than the past. Is this a positive or negative development?
It has been observed that the need for
precious things thigs that are essential to a wedding is growing along with a fancy style of
wedding becoming become ubiquitous. Some people argue that this trend exemplifies an exemplify
excessive consuming and materialistic life. I strongly disagree with this
opinion as I think that it has a beneficial influence on society.
In my opinion, first and foremost, local
society the local society has an opportunity to have an opportunity that develop a distinctive wedding culture. These
days, a lot of people prefer a special wedding so that they try to look into a
various kinds of wedding forms such as western convention, their own tradition
culture, chapel, open-air wedding and so on. In this process, a local intrinsic
custom receives some attention from the bribes and grooms. For example, in
Korea, there is an ingenious traditional the way of wedding and although, it is
a pattern of remains from the past, some couples show continuous affection and interest
about that. It allows the maintenance of culture to create that the culture, and people who work on the
relative field such as a traditional dress designer and even local society can be
revitalized.
Secondly, a magnificent marriage meets
people’s demand. The characteristic of a person desires to show off their status
in society through clothing, housing and car. In accordance with this, those who
overspend on anniversary events want to emphasize their wealth by held that and
it is commonly seen that the number of flashy ones is showing a more and more upward
trend by contrast of the past. In addition, this phenomenon could help unemployed
people because of the lack of the workers in hotels where be hosted the parties,
restaurant and shop. (이건 윗 문단에 들어갈 사항입니다. CC에 영향을 주므로 주의해주세요~)
In conclusion, a marvelous wedding is possible to assist local custom, meet (혹은 충족시키다의 의미를 가진 다른 단어) individual’s greed and help people who want to be employed some fields. Due to this fact, it is an advantageous development.
총평: (7/6/7/6) 6.5
내용은 잘 써주셨고, 어휘도 이만하면 됐습니다. 여기서 어휘가 8-9점으로 나가기 위해서는 이제 복잡한 단어 자체를 많이 쓰는 것보다 각 단어가 적재적소에 다양하고 자연스럽게 쓰여야 하는데, 그건 꽤나 어렵고 어차피 총점 8점 받으셔야 하는 것도 아니니까 이제 어휘 공부 비중은 조금 줄여주시고 문법 쪽에 최대한 집중해주세요~지금도 나름의 다양성에 주목해서 6점을 드렸으나, 만약에 5점을 받는다면 그건 채점관이 정확성 쪽에 더 가중치를 두고 평가했기 때문일 겁니다. 제가 따로 말씀드리지 않아도 꾸준히 하고 계시리라 믿으며, 수고하셨습니다 :)
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총 소요시간:43분