이게 topic이고 저는 이렇게 적었습니다.
These days, some people argue that the air pollution is the most severe environmental issues on account of the deterioration of people's life. However, there is a more persuasive argument that the loss of specific species of plants and animals is more serious than the aforementioned opinion.
On the one hand, the air pollution has been going downhill people's lifestyle people's lifestyles have been going downhill due to air pollution. In general, smoke from burning out of fossil fuels such as charcoal and petrol in many industrial areas as well as emitting gases on the roads makes people feel uncomfortable. As a matter of fact, the number of Chinese people, who has have suffered from having lung cancer and asthma, at now is approximately 10 times as high as 40 years ago. As a result of analysing the causes of this issue, gas emission and the over-consumption of unsustainable resources have led people to have a difficulty in terms of breathing in and out.
Even so, I am of the opinion that one environmental problem, which is the loss of loses unique livings, has arisen the most severe issue considering of preserving the nature. The more the number of particular animals and plants are dying out, the faster the natural ecosystem is devastated. To illustrate this idea, 70% of entire livings in the Amazon has been extincted became extinct due to the development of arable, residential and industrial regions. This continuous development might lose great opportunities to cohabit with unique animals and plants. By losing these livings, future generations may not know "the value of these ones to maintain the ecosystem"
To sum up, it is undeniable that the air contamination and the extinction of particular animals and plants damage to preserve the environment. As for my opinion, the latter of which is more sever than the previous one. (discuss both 유형에서는 여유가 되시면 결론을 작성할 때 템플릿 적용보다는 내 의견을 서술하는 쪽으로 연습해보세요!) (on time, 291 words)
항상 감사합니다. 비밀번호는 1234입니다.
총평: (7/7/8/7) 7.5
좋은 표현들이 많이 쓰여서 이쪽에서 점수를 벌어갈 수 있을 겁니다. 물론 이를 적용하는 과정에서 약간씩의 오류가 나기는 했지만, 그래도 전반적으로는 깔끔한 편이었네요. 결론은 모범답안들을 확인해보시고 수정해보시면 좋습니다. (필수는 아니고요.)
수고하셨습니다 :)