▶ Your Answer : The given bar graph illustrates
how many people bought buy what
kinds of music in Britain in terms of sex and age. Beginning with the pop music bar graph,
the rate of men is much higher more highest
than its women. The figure of men consists
of around 30% of people who buy
pop music, and then the ratio of women is two thirds of that of the its men’s. In addition, the figure of 16 to 34 age group occupies
around 30%. Moreover,
25% of people who are aged
35 to 44 purchase 25% of pop music. <(팝뮤직의 25%를
구입하는게 아니라 35-44살 연령대 25%가 팝뮤직을 구입하는것
입니다) Interestingly, the group of above 45 years old
rarely buy it, making a percentage of by
about 10%. A similar trend can be observed in the
rock music graph. <(rock music graph에 대해서 simply
trend가 비슷하다고 전해주시기 보다는 rock graph에 대해서도 정리를 해주시면
좋을 것 같습니다. 예를 들어 trend는 같지만 팝 뮤직
보다 락 뮤직을 구입하는 사람들이 더 많습니다) Turning to the classical music
graph, it can be seen that the rate of purchased music
buy is low compared to the other graphs, constituting roughly 10% in terms of both
genders. Most noticeably of all, it can be seen
that the percentage of above 45 years group is
20% which is the highest rate, followed by 25 to 34 group (15%), and the rate
of 16 to 24 age group and 35 to 44 age group is
below 5%. To sum up, men usually purchase
music more than women. Score: 6
Comment: Summarize를 더 해주시고 rock music graph에 대해서는
정보를 더 전달해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는
comparison을 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 남여 외에는 음악 장르에 대해서 비교를
해주시면 될 것 같습니다. 문법상 표현에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |