▶ Your Answer :
Recently, many high schools have concerned about various programs which enhance students’ abilities. It is often a controversial issue that whether high schools should introduce deliberate non-payment community service programs for the students or not. Personally, I think that these programs will provide huge impacts on entering a university and development of individuals’ personality.
First of all, a special experience through a community service brings significant advantages for the collage admission. This is because, nowadays a substantial number of universities are in favor of applicants who have a unique resume since more and more competitors are crowded, and thus for a university seeking a conspicuous student is inevitable. Therefore, as high school induces students to progress ? classes for the younger children or volunteer for the people who have a difficulty , these activities will be remained as a competitive edge for the future.
In addition, by taking part in social activities regardless of earning money, they can also reinforce their own character. In general, schools tend to teach only academic skills for higher scores on an exam. However, if the students become an educator or worker, (comma) then they will be aware of the hardship and importance of occupation and their(누구?) attitude for them (누구? 앞에 나오는 their과 동일 인물인가요..?) will be differed from ignorance to respect. Plus, naturally dealing with diverse people who never along with before ?? helps broadening their view of understanding the world. As a result, these activities can improve student’s personality.
To sum up, I believe that putting ? the community service without payment as mandatory programs gives beneficial effects on student’s resume for entering a university and improvement of personality.
SCORE: 5
Comment: 완전히 틀렸다고 하기는 그러나 전체적인 문장과 글을 어색하게 만드는 표현이 많습니다. 단어를 공부하신 흔적은 보이나 더 많은 예문을 보며 잘 익히셔서 사용해야하겠습니다. |