▶ Your Answer :
People tend to think that individuals
cannot contribute to ameliorating the environment because they are not likely to
have influence on society. On the other hand, people assert that only national
institutions and conglomerates only are able to improve natural circumstance
since they could have positive effects on community.<Need better connection/coherence> In this essay, I will
discuss the methods that individuals can make for environmental problems, and
suggest my perspective on the issue. <(질문에 대한 답을 thesis statement로 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.)
(Need better transition) Citizens can cut down the cost of waste
disposal by recycling and separating things reusable from non-sustainable
matters. Furthermore, people could publicize those effects by using social
media such as Facebook and Twitter, which are one of the most effective ways to
advertise widely and help people to recognize the importance. Besides, it would
be helpful to create a new cultural trend, which encourages people to reuse and
remind of the merits. As a result, individuals could make meaningful changes
economically and culturally for the preservation of the nature.
From social viewpoints, individuals can take
part in environmental activities. For instance, people could promote politicians
to pay more attention to natural pollution by participating in various campaign
against emission of chemical substance and toxic components from factories. It
would be able to promote politicians to pay adequate attention to the issue and
lead enactment of new restrictions to control the amount of release of the harmful
matters being released and to limit the construction related to it. Therefore, people can
exercise social and political leverage on the improvement of environment.
Furthermore, many people overlook the
undeniable fact that even though national agencies and large corporations
establish a long-term plan and policy to conserve environment, it is impossible
to meliorate natural circumstance without active involvement and support of
people as an individual. For example, a project of government, which tries to
reduce air pollution, could be effective only when numerous individuals engage
in a specific day no-driving system.
In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the
pessimistic opinion on the role of individuals in environmental issue because
there are various kinds of ways that they can make significant developments and
it is necessary for them to involve in diverse programs that governments design
in making big progresses for the conservation of the nature.
Score: 7 Comment: 내용들이 아주 좋습니다. 다만 서술 방식이 질문을 답해주는 것보다 discuss 을 하는 방식처럼 들립니다. Thesis statement를 글쓴이의 질문에 대한 주장을 써주시고 body에 그 주장에 대한 논리를 reasoning/support 해주시면 됩니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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