▶ Your Answer :
there is no doubt that the recycling is not
generated with a sufficient way from households. some people may insist that the
governments have to establish a law about recycling that would help people to be aware
how much important it is. Therefore, I believe that if the government makes a law
with some events such as a discount price<(discount price of what?) or penalty <(penalty가 event라는 점은 어색하게 들립니다), citizens can be recognized easily <(be recognized of what?) and started to recycle from their house.
It is true that to solve this phenomenon, laws have to be made by the government for an awareness of recycling, and that is the
only decent solution for to people. <(elaborate. 예시를 주시기전에 왜 그렇다고 생각하시는지 elaborate 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다) according to a survey conducted in Korea last
year, the rates of recycling at homes house were extremely low, but by applying the law, the
proportions of recycling at households were surged considerably. after the law is released
to the public, For example, the government can have to give some guidelines for people to be observed
a law and how to recycle properly/appropriately at least little things such as newspapers and
foils. <(run-on sentence가 많기 때문에 어색하게 들리는 곳이 많습니다. 문장구조에 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다)
on top of this, the government should have to
set up the law thoroughly with some events, such as if people bring a plastic
bag from their home to shopping malls rather than throwing it away it to rubbish bin, they can get some
discount prices for a product they need to buy. As well as, if people do not
follow the law of recycling, they can be paid or get a penalty for it. therefore,
those systems of events can be promoted people to recycle more than before
To conclude, the law has to be set up by
the government, and people should become to be right follower of that rule<(?) for
resolving this situation. <Need better coherence> I would suggest that the government do not need to approach
towards people with strict rules that can be accompanied with side effects.
Score: 5 Comment: 질문에 대한 답과 내용이 fair하나 어색하게 들리는 곳이 많습니다. 문장구조가 많이 어색하거나 표현이 어색하거나/틀리거나 문장이 run-on sentence이기 때문에 헷갈리게 들리거나 이해가 잘 안되는 부분도 있습니다. 문법과 문장쓰기에 조금 더 연습을 하시는 것을 추천합니다. 문법이 너무 많이 틀리시거나 문장구조가 어색하면 clarity/understandability가 떨어집니다. 또한 punctuation/conjunction/단어형태/알맞는 표현/ 수동태-능동태 활요에도 신경을 써주시기를 바랍니다. 특히 능동태를 써야하는데 수동태를 쓰시는 경우가 많으신 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |