▶ Your Answer : There is no doubt that most people enjoy shopping nowadays. Therefore, some shops are normally open everyday. Some people believe that opening shop seven days a week has a lot of positive things. However, others argue that it has negative things>> 앞에 쓰여서 바꿨습니다 sides. This essay will discuss both sides of the issue and my opinion will be presented in the conclusion part.
On one hand, there are several positive things of opening shop everyday. In the first place, people can go shopping anytime. That is, there are some people who are especially busy on weekdays or weekends. These people no longer need to be concerned about the date for shopping. Furthermore, exchanging can be more easy. In other words, if people want to exchange their purchasing items, they can exchange the items anytime because the shop is open everyday.
On the other hand, there are negative things of opening shop everyday. Firstly, it is hard to manage the shops. In other words, it needs high operating cost. Secondly, people who are working in the shop would be tired. For example, if people have to work everyday, they will have a lot of difficult things.
After looking at both sides of the issue, my opinion is that big shops should be opened everyday because many people enjoy shopping and small shops also should be opened seven days a week if it is possible. It is up to the circumstance of shops.
대체적으로 글은 잘 쓰셨는데 일단 글자수가 부족해서 Task에서 큰 감점이 있습니다
또한 본인의 의견을 말하는 것보다 긍정적인 부분 부정적인 부분에 대한 근거를 늘려주시는게 좋습니다
본문 1에선 그런 사람들에게 뭘 해주기 위해 매일 열어야 하느냐 단지 교환 뿐이지도 않을테구요, 사람들이 피곤한데 a lot of difficult things에는 피곤한 것 외엔 뭐가 있느냐 본문 2에선 왜 operationg cost가 많이드느냐
등의 수많은 의문을 낳습니다 결론은 본인의 의견보다 장점엔 이러이러한게 있고 단점엔 이러이러한 것들이 있다 정도로 마무리 지으셔도 되구요
문장들도 대체로 쉽게 구조가 짜여져 있습니다 다양한 구조를 활용하고 단어도 어렵게 써주세요 things는 그닥 좋은 단어가 아닙니다
Task Achievement - 5
Coherence and Cohesion - 5
Lexical Resource - 6
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
5.5예상합니다
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