▶ Your Answer :
Space exploration can be defined as exploring outside of the earth with advanced rocket and space sciences and it might cost massive funding to be launched. During the cold war, for the most developed countries, (comma) such as U.S.A and Russia, had competed to each other to achieve more accomplishments before the other. And now, also fast developing countries, (comma) such as China and India are trying to be the new rivalry of the space exploration. This essay will argue that space exploration might be expensive to launch but in long-term it is not only a necessary task for a country but also can be beneficial.
In contrast with the view of this essay, it could be a controversial issue for the people who think it costs excessive money with no practical result. They argue that the government should spend money to deal with other matters, (comma) such as medical aids, homeless benefits and job trainings for the public.
However, There there (대/소문자 주의) are two main reasons why countries are concerned them with about space exploration. Firstly, the strategic advantage for the military force. For example, it was the main reason why U.S.A and Russia were that enthusiastic with space exploration and sending a space ship within human beings. If a country can occupy outside of the earth and take advantages of it for total war. That (war, that 으로 연결되어져야합니다) country could become the most powerful country on earth.
Secondly, the natural resources in the earth has been reduced rapidly after industrial revolution in 18C. Therefore, people know that human being needs new resources to generate power. In space, there are many planets that we have never visited before and some of them could provide many new natural resources for the man kind on the earth.
In conclusion, space exploration is not just about short-term returns. It is a long-term investment for the after following 1 or 2 centuries from now. And (될 수 있으면 아카데믹 에세이에서는 And를 접속사로써 사용하지 않습니다) any country which have extra power and money to invest in space exploration will do that, to become the post-Spain of this new Age of Discovery.
SCORE: 6.5
Comment: 잘 서술하셨습니다. 사소한 실수를 줄이신다면 더 높은 점수를 기대할 수 있겠습니다. |