▶ Your Answer :
It is a widespread belief that reports of media about celebrities' issues affect the young on the negative sides, as the modern society has taken more significantly media news in the recent years. I partly agree with this phenomenon and will post controversial issues with some applicable supports.
To begin with, there are several facts supporting the negative effects of media coverages of famous people. Firstly, news can focus on violent and unrealistic situations, compared with ordinary human lives, affecting children who are not mature enough to recognize what is true or not. <Need better coherence> For example, young people may behave like a star by spending much money to show off and being a party person regardless of studies. Furthermore, the mass media reports only their successes without the background behind which can be dark and hard. However, youngsters do not care about their hidden hiding efforts to be on a top and they pursue only their wealth and appearance rather than that how difficult it is. <Need better coherence> To be specific, nowadays, many children want to be a TV star instead of nurses, polices, teachers or scientists, to name but a few.
Be that as it may, it might be a truth, but to some extent media has positive effects on the young. The main reason is that there is broad information to transfer to children due to the high accessibility of media. It means that many types of media spread on our regular basis such as TVs, newspapers, radios, and internet. Hence, when the young needs a role model, they can acquire many sources of stars' successful histories from media. In addition, if media covered the scene that celebrities got punished and scolded by the public due to their wrongdoings, children would learn lessons from them, unless they considered it only a gossip.
To recapitulate, taking into account both sets of arguments, I am of the belief that a media's coverage of celebrities can impact on children negatively because of young thinking <(?) and too much sensational reports, but it also may help children to learn lessons and knowledge from celebrities' lives in a proper filtration.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 다만 전체적으로 글 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 전체적으로 coherence에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 specificity에 조금 더 신경을 서주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |