Your Answer ▼ Increasing rate of crimes by people who went out from prisons are very common. (정확히 따지면, '석방되자마자' 라고 적어주셔야 해요.) It is obvious that many released people from prison are easily connected with crimes. So (가급적이면 문장을 and but so 로 시작하지 말아주세요~), it have has to be considered as an important issue in our society. (문단은 지금과 같이 한 칸 더 띕니다. 다른 문단+올려주신 다른 글도 다 동일하게 수정해주시면 되고, 이것 또한 점수에 들어가는 사항이므로 주의해주세요!)
first First of all, many crimials could cannot find an appropriate job after their release. They are not prepared even don't prepare enough to adjust to general people and their society. Sometimes they have to feel they are isolated from the other people.
On the other hand Furthermore, they are not prepared enough economically. It is clear that if they would like to make ther own position in the society, economic basis is absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, the government does not (줄임말 사용은 지양해주세요!) don't have responsibility for any economic support for them. (First 부터 여기까지 싹 하나의 문단으로 넣어주세요.)
All of these aspects could not make positive result for our society. Difficulties of released criminals consequantely cause an increase increasing of crimes. That This is a very tragic enfluence to all of members of society. Search as For example, children and women have to feel fear when they come back home from ther school or their work place. we Also, citizens would have to look at the news cast about crimes on TV more frequently too. Furthermore, the government have to endure spnding more money to take care of criminals in prison, extend budget for police and social safty system in our town and city. (여기의 경우도 All 부터 여기까지 하나의 문단으로 묶으시면 됩니다.) For result, repeated crime by released criminals becoming serious social issue in these days. If we do not think importantly about these issues, we have to spend more and more economic and social resources more and more. Because of this, it's clear that finding appropriate solutuion is very important for all of our sciety. |