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The charts graphs give information about the genres of TV programmes that Australian men and women and different age groups watch>> the number of male and female viewers on two kinds of TV channels in Australia 정도로 쓰는게 더 좋겠습니다 최대한 페러프레이즈 해주세요.
It is clear from the charts that women tend to watch more television than man overall, although they watch slightly fewer game shows. The people who watch the most television are in the 45+ age group The people more than 45 years old watch TV the most amongst the groups>> 제가 오버뷰는 본론입니다.
Nearly 70% of women watch reality shows, which is almost twice as many as the number of men who choose this genre of TV programme. Nevertheless, most age groups watch more reality shows than game shows, revealing that which reveals game shows are generally less popular than reality shows.
The number of people watching reality shows increases steadily from the ages of 16 to 45 with the smallest number of programmes,>> 콤마 빼주세요 at just over 50% of the age group, watched by 16- to 24-year-olds and the greatest number,>> 콤마 빼주세요 at 68% watched by the over 45s >> 문장 구성이 어떻게 된건가요?.
However, the pattern is different for game shows. The number of programmes watched by 25- to 44-year-olds 25-to-44-year-old people is considerably lower than the number watched by 16- to-24-year-olds ones and those over 45. Just over 50% of 16- to 24-year-olds>> 대쉬로 연결되면 형용사라 s 가 붙을 수가 없습니다 watch game shows, but this number is not as high as the number of people aged 45 and over watching game shows,>> 콤마 빼주세요 at nearly 70%. Only 41% of 35- to 44-year-olds watch game shows,>> 주어가 같을 때만 콤마입니다 and the number of 24- to 34-year-olds is even lower at 38%.
보시면 문단마다 맨 첫줄이 한 칸 들어가있죠? 이게 제가 말한 문단 들여쓰기입니다
다시 제가 나눠드렸고 지금 코멘트도 첫 줄이 들어가있죠 이런 식으로 새로운 문단을 구성할 때 한 칸씩 띄우는 것이 문법의 일종입니다 계속 대쉬를 쓰고 뒤에 s를 붙이네요 같은 식의 구조가 마지막에 집합적으로 나왔구요 좋지 않습니다 2-year-old baby 처럼 대쉬가 들어가면 형용사가 됩니다 s 를 빼세요
퍼센트도 계속 at ~ 이 아니라 예를 든다면 game shows (50%) more than game shows, 50% 처럼 다양하게 표현해주시면 좋겠습니다 평소 단어가 좋은데 이번엔 단어가 눈에 띄진 않았네요 계속 같은 식의 표현으로 같은 단어들의 중복이 잦았습니다 본다고 할 땐 항상 watch 가 들어갔구요 game shows 등으로요 game programme 혹은 game channel 등으로도 가능할텐데요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.5 예상합니다 |