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Nowadays, a lot of children are damaging their health by becoming obese.
What are some of the reasons behind this?
Suggest some ways to reduce the rate of child obesity.
These days, it is true that many children have been suffering from obesity, which would lead to cause serious health problems to their body. While this is a serious problem, it can be solved by providing children with qualified health education related to obesity, emphasizing its fatalness.
One of the reasons ('무엇에 대한 이유인지' 를 다시 밝혀주셔야 합니다. 이러한 핵심에 대한 꾸준한 상기는 나중에 유학가셔서 과제 받으실 때에도 매우 중요해요.) is that too many choices are served to children due to the development of technologies. Enterprises have widened the range of food options provided to people by developing the skills to make tastes of food better. Furthermore, they are only focusing on their sales, not people's health, which means in order to agument sales, they would do show an exaggerated advertisement which is made to dazzle people. Even if the conduct contains substances which would cause obesity or serious health problems, it would be not shown because enterprises could try to hide it.
However, there are some ways to decrease the rate of child obesity (이런 게 바로 핵심에 대한 꾸준한 상기입니다.). It can be solved by teaching them what substances cause obese and what would happen if you (2인칭은 구어에 해당하므로 웬만하면 쓰지 마세요~이것 역시 유학 가서도 적용되는 사항입니다.) overeat food like a book. Children would be alarmed when they take lessons about how harmful the ingredients in a delicious food are. The more they have awareness, the less obesity rates could be.
To sum up, it is clear that compared to the past, more children have been injured by obesity, which would make them children catch harmful diseases. However, the issue can be solved by offering the qualified and repetitive education to children.
총평: (6/6/7/7) 6.5
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수고하셨습니다 :)