When it comes to employment, people these days tend to found a new company(and be a CEO), rather than apply for a company or organisation. This is certainly different compared with the trend of the past. I will discuss about the causes of this situation and the disadvantages of being self-employed.
There are tons of (구어에 해당하므로 웬만하면 안 쓴다고 보시면 됩니다.) reasons why people no more choose to work for someone else a normal work places, but the main reason is that they realized how to make a lot of money. People nowadays can access to the quality information by using the Internet internet. As a result, they can do make huge income by themselves. For example, one team released a new service called ‘Netflix’. This is a new subscribing business system that have has never been made by other big companies. That The team members designed that service with the information by online web sites. They made new kind of business and this has achieved success successed in the global market. It leads people to begin their own business hoping that they would be someone like the Netflix team someday.
However, there is a crucial negative side of being self-employed. If they fail to in their business, they have to be under get enormous debts. In fact, there are so many people who are suffering suffered from their debts due to bankruptcy their bankrupt. The more debts they have, the more difficult it is for them to they overcome it. On the other hands, the employees are not worrying about this problem, because they just get salaries from their company.
In conclusion, modern people have the tendency to choose to be self-employed because they know how to success succeed (많은 수험생들이 틀리는 사항이므로 특별히 주의해주세요!) in the global market with different types of business. However, we do not have to should not overlook the disadvantages of making their own business.
총평: (6/5/6/5) 5.5
문법 쪽 근본적인 문제가 있는 건 아닌데, 자잘한 오류들이 꽤 많으며 이게 누적되면서 평가가 약간 내려갔다고 보시면 될 것 같습니다. 또한 이러한 오류들로 인해 글이 매끄럽게 이어지지 않는 경우도 있어서 CC영역에서의 감점도 어느정도는 있었고요.
따라서 안정적인 6.5점 이상이 필요한 상황이시면, 글 작성과는 별개로 꼭 문법 공부를 어느정도는 해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)