Full-time university students should spend a lot of time studying, but it is essential to be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that most of full-time
university students have to spend lots of time on studying while being involved involving in
other activities. Although some other people argue that they have to be involved in other activities
vitally, it seems that involving in other activities should not be compulsory. (온점이 누락되지 않도록 해주세요! 문장부호의 적절한 사용도 점수에 다 들어갑니다.)
To begin with, by/through participating in several other
activities, full-time university students can experience so many things, which
leads to them to learn social experience and have social skills. It is quite
transparent that people who went through a wide range of experiences work
better than those who did not. That is because, since the former experienced experiencing a variety of
situations before, they know the way how they have to deal with it. By
contrast, in terms of people who did not experience a lot of situations, if
they face something unfamiliar, they will not be able to manage to it. For this reason,
full-time university students have to be involved in several activities.
On the other hand, since they (문단에 처음 등장하는 대상이 대명사로 쓰여서는 안 됩니다.) are too tired
from studying, they cannot focus on other activities. With this reason, it just can be a waste of
time. Furthermore, making them take part in activities can make them do other
things and sleep in during those activities. Instead of letting them be involve in activities by force, it will be better
to give them free time to study or to take breaks.
In
conclusion, as stated above, both views have strong
points. However, since students are not children, they should not participate
in other activities by force buy they should have options to choose whether they will be involve in other activities or not.
초록색은 제가 워드에서 따로 고친건데 여기다가 복사하니 바뀌지가 않네요 죄송합니다 양해 부탁드려요 ㅜㅜ
질문 : 게시판이 TASK1,2 첨삭 이렇게 세개 있는데 이 TASK2 글은 어디에 올려야 되는건가요? TASK2 게시판에 올려야 되는지
첨삭 게시판에 올려야 되는지 헷갈려서 여쭤봅니다!
-> task1은 task1에, 2는2에 카테고리 설정을 하시면 됩니다. 첨삭 카테고리는 제가 사용하고요.
단, 굳이 그렇게 안 지키셔도 저한테 글이 안 보이거나 하지는 않기 때문에 크게 상관은 없습니다 :)
총평: (6/5/5/6) 5.5
이번 글의 경우도 논제에서 to what extent~~라고 해줬기 때문에 하나만 다뤄주시는 게 맞긴 한데, 지금처럼 쓰더라도 5.0 받는데에는 전혀 지장은 없습니다.
involving은 포함하는~의 의미를 가지고 있으므로 이번 기회에 확실히 익혀주세요! '참여하는' 과는 의미가 전혀 다릅니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)