■ DirectionYou have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words.■ QuestionSummarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

To begin with, statistics from the BBC, (이전에도 그렇고 이번 글도 이렇게 적어주셨는데, 어디서 가져오신 템플릿인지는 모르겠지만 내용상으로 바로 구체적인 사례가 오는 것도 적절하지 않을 뿐더러, 문법상으로도 적절하지 않습니다.) most office workers prefer to eat fast foods such as KFC chicken which can be eated quickly than other foods, because their lunch time is insufficient due to the workload they have lunch time from their workplace. Some companies even offer employees only 30 minutes for lunch. Because of this, many office workers have to spend their lunch time on eating foods which can shorten time such as fast foods than other foods. (여기의 경우 이미 앞에서 했던 말입니다.) Therefore, if government force excessive tax on fast foods, it would be difficult to have lunch.

Moreover, fast food’s stores such as KFC and McDonald’s have been offered many jobs for people. According to the 7 news in Australia, KFC not only have been created varied jobs but also are going to give many opportunities which can work for the retired people (but also 이후의 부분은 그 이전 부분에 포함되는 사항입니다. 지금과 같이 적을 경우 억지로 불필요하게 글을 늘리는 셈이 되는 것이죠. 예를 들면 건강에 좋은 음식은 과일과 딸기가 있다~와 같이 적는 것입니다.). However, if people hesitate to visit fast food stores because of high price of fast foods, many people who work in a fast food store such as KFC would lose their jobs since sales would be decreased lost their job since sales are decreased. Thus, imposing higher tax on fast food will make many people unemployed.

In conclusion, imposing a lot of taxes on fast food would not be able to give people sufficient lunch time as well as an opportunity which work in a fast store. I think that governments should encourage people to exercise through many programs rather than higher tax, in order to solve health problems.

Comment ▼
전반적으로 문장의 안정감이 많이 떨어지는 상태였습니다. 어색한 표현들은 99% 수정해드렸으므로 (놓친 1~2%가 있을 수는 있습니다.) 확인해보시고, 본론 첫 번째 문단에서와 같이 BBC 관련 사항은 사용하지 말아주세요~수고하셨습니다 :)