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It is irrefutable that non-English speaking people are emmigrating to English speaking countries, >> 비영어 사용자들이 영어권 나라로 이민간단걸 반박할 수 없다 ? seeking for a native language education >> 그 사람들이 영어로 배운다는 확신이 있지 않은데 native language로 배우려고 한단건 너무 설명이 없이 급박한 전개입니다. This phenomenon is caused by the people's higher living standard people , who can pursue by creating more opportunities for themselves. This essay will address this increasing demand of English education by focusing on the achievement of high living standard I argue increasing demands of English leads to this issue 이런 식으로 맺는게 좋겠네요. >> 서론 전개가 부드럽지 않습니다 내용이 겅중겅중 뛰는 느낌이네요
To begin with, the fruition of globalisation destroys most of the barriers in the job market, except for the language barrier >> globalisation이 언어 장벽을 깨지 못하고 다른건 깼다는건 전혀 필요없는 말입니다 Language barriers still remain even in this globalising world 정도라고 하면서 주장 해주시면 될 듯도 하네요. In other words, the most commonly used language, English, promotes itself to the largested labour market in the world. To elaborate >>설명은 이미 앞에서 됩니다 For example, people with having reasonable English skills may apply jobs to any other country >> any other 단수명사입니다 that where needs their professions the skillful workers. In respect to this, there are more opportunities created through larger labour market.
In addition, providing oneself with a various range of opportunities, perhaps help people to avoid over-heated domestic competition >> 문장 문법 구조가 어떻게 되나요? perhaps 문장엔 주어가 어딨나요? providing 은 if 랑 같은 말입니다 주장에 쓰이지 않습니다 빼주세요. As a brief illustration, people with a linguistic skill that is only used in their country, such as Japanese and Korean, have no option but to compete within the locally densed job market . >> For instance, 해서 위에 Japanese and Korean 예시로 쓰는게 더 좋겠네요 Thus, people with having English skills result in accepting a better offer than others despite the same productivity.
Furthermore, relatively high living standard is mostly obtained by English speaking people, >> 콤마 넣어주세요 compared to others who does not >> 빼주시구요 who are non-English speakers 정도라고 해주시는게 낫겠습니다 who do not 이라고 할 때 do 에 걸리는게 없습니다 혹은 mostly 붙여드렸으니 compared 부터 빼주세요. The major culprit of this deliberation The main point of this is that people can choose where to live by themselves,>> 콤마 빼주세요 rather than unwillingly choosen by the job >> where to work. By way of illustration, individuals may apply to various cities where it satisfies with their priorities. As an example, considering quiet planned city or beach-sided city >> 너무 짧네요.
In conclusion, after taking all the considerations into account, the phenomenon of people moving to English speaking nations is encouraged by people's desires to achieve a better lifestyle>>한 단어입니다. Which This is well-explained in the terms of the increasing opportunities created by the increasingly larger labour market as well as the less competition for individuals and the choice of the living environment.
Furthermore 한 단락 모두 날려도 248자입니다 두 글자만 써도 테스크 충족 됩니다 한 단락만큼 더 많이 썼다는 말입니다 문장들이 계속 수식에 수식이 겹쳐서 길어지는 것들이 좀 보이네요 외국인들이 굉장히 싫어합니다 문장 한 줄~ 한 줄 반 정도로 줄여주시구요 문단은 앞에 말씀드렸듯 하나 날려도 되니 4문단으로 해주세요 보시면 제가 다 예시 없고 부족하다고 지적해드립니다 한 문단 더 쓰시지 말고 본문 두 문단에 보충을 더 해주세요 문법 연습 많이 하시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.5 예상합니다 |