▶ Your Answer :
The graph illustrates the expenditure of several types of meat and one of fish in a Europe throughout from 1979 to 2004. (한정사 공부/나라, 대륙 이름 앞에 관사 사용 x; 필리핀과 같은 나라 예외../전치사 사용주의)
At first glance, the rates of all species were obviously varies (동사 두번 사용 금지). At first line, the highest rate of consumption was beef, reaching just over 200 degree grams (?? 단위 사용 주의). The second high rates were chicken and lamb both, accounting for approximately 140 and 150 respectively. The figure of for chicken and those that of beef tended to being (to 다음 동사원형) matched each other in 1989(200) (to be matched? 문장 자체가 이해되지 않는 문장입니다). In addition, the rate of chicken increased higher and higher, (문장 내 접속사 앞 comma) so finally it reached the top of all figures(250) in the finishing of at the end of period, while the figure of for beef made lower lines.
Although the rate of lamb started as a similar line with chicken, the result was significantly different. Lamb tended to make lower line constantly, (comma) compared with chicken, and finally its figures mingled with fish which is located the lowest line of the entire research by reaching approximately 70 and 50 respectively.
To sum up, the expenditure of chicken experiences an upward trend, while the other lines tend to make much lower than it (대명사 사용 주의, it은 무엇을 의미합니까?).
SCORE: 4-4.5
Comment: 기본적인 문법실수가 많습니다. 이미 샘플 에세이가 많이 떠도는 문제이기 때문에 다른 사람들이 쓴 글을 다시 차근차근 읽어봐주세요.
예를 들어 많은 사람이 실수하는 부분인 한정사 사용
one of fish (x), one of the fishes (o), one kind of fish (o)
또한, a European person (o), a Europe (x), the philippines (o) 필리핀과 같이 나라가 섬으로 이루어져 여러개로 지칭 할 수 있는 경우와 같이 예외적인 경우를 빼고는 관사가 붙지 않습니다. 이 외에도 표시한 부분을 유의해주세요. |