The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.
The graph represents the information on fish and three types of meat consumption in a European nation from 1979 to 2004.
Overall, while beef was consumed the most in 1979, chicken was eaten the most in 2004. (<----이렇게 작성할 경우 79년과 04년밖에 포괄하지 못하게 됩니다. 그러므로 얘는 밑으로 내려주시고, 치킨의 섭취량은 증가세를 보인 반면, 소고기와 양고기의 ~~' 쪽으로 작성해서 표를 싹 묶어서 포괄할 수 있도록 바꿔주세요!) By contrast, fish was the least consumed meal throughout the period.
Looking at the graph more closely, the consumption of beef was the highest by 1979, accounting for just over 200 grams. From 1987, it showed a downward trend to about 100 grams by 2004. In contrast, the figure for chicken increased constantly from just under 150 grams to roughly 250 grams over the period, overtaking that for beef in 1989. However, the consumption of lamb, which was higher than the figure for chicken only in 1979, went down consistantly from nearly 150 grams to just over 50 grams by about 100 grams between 1979 and 2004. In terms of fish, the amount of consumption remained stable during the period, at more or less (익혀두시면 좋은 표현입니다.) around 50 grams.
총평: (6/7/7/6) 6.5
제가 여러 번 말씀드려서 잘 알고 계시겠지만, task 1에서 거절당왕님의 문제는 딱 두 가지입니다. 첫 번째는 overview 의 작성과 관련된 사항이며, 두 번째는 the ~~of ~~ 의 구조에서 탈피하는 패러프레이징이죠. 전자는 제가 체크해드릴 수 있으니까 그렇다고 치더라도, 후자는 꼭 직접 극복하실 수 있어야 해요. 따라서 모범답안을 정말 많이 읽어보세요! 나였으면 동일 의미를 이렇게 표현했을 것 같은데, 답안에서는 저렇게 작성했네~를 파악하고 분석할 수 있어야 합니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
(161 words, 거절당왕)