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In my opinion, children should stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. It is true that there are a lot of things to learn in school, but I think learning and playing at home is much important than learning at school.
Firstly, my opinion for this argument is children should stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old >> 이미 서론에서 언급한 부분을 본문에서 재차 말할 필요는 없습니다 다른 주장을 세워주세요. It is because I think playing and learning at house is much important then learning in school. From home, mothers teach children how to be more respectful. Also, for the social life when they grow older, the things that children learnt in a house could be useful than they learnt in the school. >> 왜 더 유용한 지에 대해 말해주셔야 합니다
Secondly, when children go to school, they have to go to after school classes and they would have a lot of homework to do. So Thus >> so는 문두에 쓰지 않습니다 they do not have enough time to get take a rest and have enjoy thier free time. In my country, students have to go to academies until ten o’ clock, and they have to finish their homework, it which takes at least twelve o’clock two hours.
Finally, children could get be stressed easily when they go to school because of the a friend problem between friends, tests, and an after school class. There are a lot of things going on at the school. For example, problems with friends, exams, and the classes after the school.>> 앞에 내용과 똑같네요
Children, or even students, as well, can get these stresses when they start going to school. So That is why I think there is nothing good for children going to school earlier.
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Task Achievement - 6
Coherence and Cohesion - 5
Lexical Resource - 5
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.0 예상합니다 |