▶ Your Answer :
The given line graph illustrates the figure of people who have a gym membership in Sydney over the period between 1970 and 2010.
As clearly seen from the chart, the sports club had by far the greatest female members at 600, compared to about 90 of males at the beginning of the period, but >> 깁니다 끊어주세요 However, this figure decreased steadily over the entire period. By 2010, the number of women in the gym was roughly halved to approximately 300, with the figures remaining similar trends every ten years.>>??
By >> 전치사도 in in 두 번 나오면 좋진 않습니다 contrast, in the year 1970, the figure for males was the smallest at less than 100, and showed an upward trend with a constant rise to 300 for the 20 years two decades 가 더 좋겠네요. >> 또 깁니다 끊어주세요. but However, it was stable at the level of 300 by 2000. However and, eventually, the number of men decreased slightly to around 250, by one fifth>>?? in 2010.
Overall, there were slight drops in the figure for males and females during the period surveyed.
전반적으로 남자의 수는 상승했습니다
중간에 감소가 있었다지만 1970년과 비교해서 2010년엔 올랐구요
by one fifth가 뭘 의미하는지 모르겠네요 제가 모르는 부분일 수 있으니 채점엔 포함하지 않겠습니다 문장들이 대체로 너무 기니까 한 줄~ 한 줄 반 정도에선 끊어주세요
ownership이나 feminine 등을 이용해서 단어의 종류를 늘릴 수도 있겠네요
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 7 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.5 예상합니다 |