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Most developed countries have established working-hour legislations to prevent the labourer from exploitation. I believe that this has brought about positive influences on employers and employees. This essay will discuss the way to introduce this law in our society and its effects>> positive or negative ?.
To begin with, since a society has become more competitive, employees have been forced to work for the prolonged working many prolonged hours by employers. Since a society has become more competitive, this phenomenon has negatively affected staff’s workers' psychological and physical well-being fitness so that the governments in industrialized countries have built set the a laws to restrict labour working time that can help to reduce overtime work. Australia, for instance, has announced a strict working hour laws. The maximum of weekly working hours is 35 hours for full-time workers and only 20 hours for students, which can help them to maintain a work-life balance. Workers would have extra time to enjoy their personal lives and to >> to 가 들어가는 이유는 workers would bond 가 될 수도 있기에 to 로 엮어서 extra time to bond 가 될 수 있게 해줍니다 bond with family and friends.
I have confidence in the benefits of working hour limitation. Firstly, this can allow people to relax and to spend a lot of time with their friends and family,>> 마침표로 써주세요 Thereby, >> 부사입니다 문장을 이어주는 기능이 없습니다 enhancing balanced life style can be maintained between work and family. As a result, it can help increase work efficiency, contributing to companies’ profits in the long run. Secondly, restriction on working hours can distribute centralized authority from one specific person to every worker. This is because everybody can have the >> same 은 the 와 같이 다닙니다 same opportunities to be involved in workforce under the legislation. Hence, the limited working hour regulations enacted by policy makers can be a positive development. >> 주장이 약하네요 밑줄 부분 지워주시고 앞에 쓰신 내용에 예시를 더해주세요 뒤에 쓴 내용 중에 one specific person 이 어떤 사람인지도 나와있지 않습니다 어떤 특정한 사람에게서 중앙집적된 권력을 분배하는지 모르겠어서 뒤에도 말들이 부드럽게 이어지지 않네요 법률 하에 노동력에 포함될 같은 기회를 가지고 있단게 앞에 권력 분배와 무슨 연관이 있는지도 실상 모르겠구요
To conclude, governments have introduced the working hour laws about the amount of working hours to protect the right of workers and this has positive influences on companies and employees. Therefore, each government should encourage firms to comply the legislation regarding working hours.
우선 어휘가 부족하단게 보였습니다 working hours 하나로만 표현하신 점을 봐서요 또한 각 문단의 첫 시작은 한 칸 들여쓰기 후 시작합니다 제가 띄어드렸구요 문법에 포함됩니다 저기서만 벌써 4개 틀린게 됩니다 같은 단어라도 같은 말이라도 다양하게 표현하는 법을 익히시길 바랍니다 또한 문제에서 어떻게 이 법이 소개되겠냐고 하겠는데 그에 대한 답은 들어있지 않고 쓰신 점은 법의 장점에 대해 소개한 듯 싶습니다
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
5.5 예상합니다 |