▶ Your Answer :
Fixed punishments sentenced to each type of crime have
been always a subject of debates of whether they are necessary to society. Some
assert that the fixed punishment is effective to prevent future crimes.
However, my firm conviction is that various factors should be considered when
deciding on the punishment such as the circumstances, the motivation and the
possibility of criminal’s reformation. From the early history, there has been fixed punishments.
First of all, people support that there should be a fixed punishment because it
has a strong effect to prevent a future crime. Potential criminals would ignore
the law and the punishment if they are too weak to scare them and it can which then lead
them to commit a crime in the near future.<(who is they and who are them? 한문장 안에 여러 명사가 있으면 pronoun사용하시는데에 조심해주셔야합니다) Much worse, criminals who own a great
property or money would hire professional advocates, and they manipulate the
judgement without any efforts. In this sense, fixed punishments are crucial as
they apply to everyone equally and effectively. On the other hand, other factors need to be taken into
account to determine one’s punishments. As the society is getting complex, not
many crimes are committed with a single reason. The circumstances of each crime
and the precise motivation, here, are also important. The people from a
disadvantaged family are more likely to steal foods and money because they do
not have enough, and they are less likely to be educated not to do so.<(need support. Is it true for all?) In addition,
someone might commit murder for the other to self-defense from a dangerous situation. I
believe it is indispensable to consider such underlying facts in accordance
with respect for human rights. Furthermore, if possible, it would be better to
ponder the possibility of a criminal’s reformation since the reformed prisoners could
contribute to society in many dimensions. In conclusion, to some extent, fixed punishments are
clearly effective and sometimes necessary to present a fear of punishments and
to prevent future crimes. However, the society which thinks various factors when
sentencing is wiser as it protects each individual’s human rights and motivation
in a detailed approach.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 전체적으로 글/내용 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 질문에 대한 답이 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 Silly mistakes가 있습니다. 또한 조금 더 다양한 표현을 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 특히, 질문에 나온 표현들과 다른 표현을 써주시면 좋습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |