문제 : Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is true that there are both positive sides and negative sides to live in the country where people have to speak a foreign language. I agree with the statement due to (기존 표현은 중의적이라, 즉 오해의 소지가 있어서 수정해드렸습니다.) with the reason of difference of the culture and the different system of the law in the other country.
First, it is easy to be confused about the cultural elements with the foreign country and one's native country. people People easily think they would have similar culture. (다 똑같은 인간/사람이니까~라고 수정해주시면 더 좋습니다.) For example, in a restaurant, some of countries including the UK and US, have the culture of customers paying tips to the servers which is not included in the price of the dishes. However, in countries in Asia including Korea and Japan, they do not have a tip culture. So (문장을 and but so 로 시작하는 것은 좋지 못합니다.) many people in Asia thinks they are overpaying when they need to pay tips in other countries. This results some of them reject to pay the tip and this became a practical problem.
Second, people could misunderstood the law of foreign country or break the law by accident. people Those who are living in foreign country, they will know the basic moral law which applies to their native country and foreign country where they live. but But (여기도 일단 대소문자만 수정해드렸는데, 윗 문단과 마찬가지로 and but so 가 문장의 첫 단어로 쓰이는 것은 좋지 않고요.) they usually do not know about the specific law. To give an example, for me, I went to America and I was in the mall by myself in at 10:00 pm to watch the movie. But soon, one of the mall security came to me and asked me for my Identification card and asked if i I was older than 18. At that time, I was 16. The security told me that the county's law said that those under the age of under 18 cannot go to the mall without being under the company of an adult any person over 18. In other words, I broke the county's law at that time. So I was kicked out from the mall. Like this, It it is easy to break any kinds of law for foreign people unless they read the code of law with the language they do not use as a first language.
In conclusion, I would like to say that people who have speak other language in the country could cause both serious social problems and practical problems whether it was a mistake or not.
총평: (7/6/6/5) 6.0
사실 문장력만 봤을 때에는 문법이 절대 5점으로 내려갈 건 아닌데, 문제는 대소문자 관련 오류들이 너무 많다는 점입니다. 대소문자는 기본기가 되는 사항 중 하나이므로 꼭 정확하게 구분해주세요! 수고하셨습니다 :)