이게 제목이고 저는 이렇게 적었습니다.
It is a common belief that offenders' privacy needs to be protected to reduce the damages of innocent people. However, there is a more persuasive argument that their information should be exposed to the citizens in order to deter people from terrible things.
On the one hand, the state should maintain violent criminals' information. Although they committed crimes such as murder and vandalism, victimising innocent people is not valid. For example, if criminals' information is extensively opened, their close friends or family can be ignored from a society. Thus, some of them may go through a hard time by having depression and other diseases such as heart attack and high pressure. More seriously, they sadly decide to lose their lives by themselves.
Nevertheless, I support the idea that publicising their personal information is essential taken into account of keeping a safe and peace community. This is evident that unless governments and policies collaborate to expose to offenders' privacy, they might harm innocent people regardless of time and place in the future. For instance, Korean government changed policies from preserving criminals' private information to opening to it for the public in similar to Megan law, which law is rigorously executed in all U.S states to regulate criminals. Therefore, offenders are monitored heavily and closely with getting exposure to their information on online and street.
To sum up, while it is obvious that respecting criminals' privacy is quite necessary, it is undeniable that publicising it is more imperative than different policies to protect a public safety. (254 words)
시간이 넘었다는 것과 문장 전개가 제대로 안 된 거 같습니다. 비밀번호는 1234입니다. 항상 감사합니다.