Some people think that universities should use their funds to support social activities for students. Others think that this money should be used to improve the food at university cafeterias. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Many universities have trouble to choose between two options on these days. One of them is spending their money for improving cafeterias and other one is using it to support social activities. These two different opinions can be able to explain the following reasons. The following reasons can explain the two different opinions. (기존 표현은 순서가 바뀌었습니다. 근거가 주장을 설명하는 것이지, 주장이 근거를 설명하는 게 아니죠.)
First of all, some people want lots of money to support social activities because it can allow students to relieve stress. Also, these social classes provides a mental and physical break from studying to tired students. For example, my friends had been bored with tough school schedules and part time jobs but, after they went to weekly excursions which were assigned in university club activity (이것과 관련해서 더 구체적으로 서술해주세요~그렇지 않으면 윗말의 반복만 됩니다.), they took off their schoolwork and stressful daily life.
However, others think that to improve food at cafeterias is a more persuasive choice since it benefits students financially. In fact, many students have suffered financial problems, in that such as they do not have enough money to get meals and so on. Thus, if universities offer higher quality foods, students can eat on at the campus and save money for staying in dormitory or transportation payment. For instance, I am willing to pay five dollars more to eat out because the quality of our university's cafe is not good. (아마 질이 떨어진다~를 그대로 영작하신 것 같은데, 이것 역시 이전에 말씀드렸던 한국식 표현 중 하나입니다.) university cafe's quality fall down. Some of meals in the school cafeteria are really bad and a large number of students agree with it.
In conclusion, while universities should use their money to upgrade social activities for students to enjoy comfortable areas with relaxing, I think these funds should be used to improve food at cafeterias because it helps save students' money, and in turn helps financial problems of saving students' money for helping their financial problems.
총평: (7/6/6/6) 6.5
서론에서 표시해드린 것과 같이 화살표가 바뀌면 의미가 완전히 달라지므로 주의해주셔야합니다. 또한 이번 글 말고 다른 글들에서도 주로 문제가 되는 완전한 문장 갖추기, 한국식 표현의 지양 등은 꼭 챙겨주세요~어렵더라도, 가급적이면 한국어에서 영작하려는 습관은 버리는 게 좋습니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)