Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There are many debates about which topic deserves more attention and effort between preventing the loss of living species and other environmental problems that impacts worldwide, such as global warming.
Therefore in this essay, both opinions will be discussed and the more reasonable one will be presented.
To start with, it’s (줄임말은 풀어써주세요~다른데에도 다 풀어주시면 됩니다.) not difficult to see some articles about some species which are on the edge of being extinct death. They can’t be revived, which is a big loss in various aspects.
Firstly, evaporation of one species affects the whole ecosystem by influencing their predators and prey.
Secondly, for humankind, the missing plants or animals could have been some ingredients that can be used for a remedy for lethal diseases like cancer and alzheimer, or they could have been a specific genetic evidence of evolution that had not been able to be explained.
While disappearance of specific species is somewhat a regional problem, global warming deteriorates the situation throughout the Earth (많은 수험생들이 헷갈려하시던데, '지구' 의 의미로 쓰일 때에는 대문자 시작입니다. 반면에 '땅', '대지' 로 시작할 때에는 소문자 시작이고요.) earth.
For instance, the circulation of tides will stop or be changed.
Tides are created by the difference of temperature of water in the ocean.
Global warming, however, makes the cold water less cold which cannot make enough temperature gap for making energy for circulation.
Like this, it can be seen that global warming triggers another world disaster, eventually generating the vicious cycle.
This cycle will produce more problems that affect globally, such as abnormal climate change.
To conclude, global warming seems to be a more urgent problem that all the living things are facing. However, we should not cease our attention to the creatures in danger, since they might be able to survive from comparably less expenditure and care (여기는 문법상의 문제는 아니지만 문장이 살짝 꼬였는데, 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.) while global warming requires enormous struggles of all the nations to overcome.
총평: (7/5/7/6) 6.5
내용 자체는 잘 써주시긴 했는데, 엔터키 사용에 있어서는 주의해주셔야합니다. 지금 엔터키가 문장마다 사용된 부분들이 많이 보이는데, 그렇게 구분해서는 안 되고 문단이 구분되는 경우에 한해서 두 번만 칠 수 있도록 해주세요~이것도 점수에 들어가는 사항입니다. 다른 수험생들이 어떻게 하는지를 잘 보시면 됩니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)