Some people think history has nothing or little to tell us, but others think that studying the past history can help us better understand the present.
Discuss both views
and give your opinion, citing examples from your experience.
It is a common belief that examining the past history is useless for the present since what is important is how we deal with current issues. However, there is a more persuasive argument that it is necessary to learn about the past because we can gain lessons not to make similar mistakes our ancestors made.
On the one hand, some people
insist that we must let the old stories be the past and focus on what we are
facing currently. They might think it is a waste of time to study history at
school or university. In fact, there are a few politicians in Korea, who
belongs to conservative party of parliament and think the past is not helpful for
solving nowadays’ issues. Korea was colonized by Japan, and Japanese conducted
many brutal abuses on Korean independence activists. However, the right party
imposes importance on the relationship between Korea and Japan, which leads
them to cover all the faults and concentrate on developing our economy through
international commerce. Even though this would disappoint many descendants of
the fighters of Korea, it can stimulate international trade trading of those two countries.
Nevertheless, I believe not only students but also adults need to learn about their past. It is because by learning history, they would recognize what was wrong with their reactions about past issues, understand the present deeply and finally make virtual solutions for problems they will face in the future. We can sometimes see moments that politicians in TV debating program refer to our history to compare with current occasions. I think they do so since they want to say that contemporary citizens must not make similar errors like as old ones did. This phenomenon is easily found in case of Germany and the Jewish. They have history of holocaust, so the prime minister of Germany appears on TV annually to apologize about the terrible event to remind their fault and assure they will not commit that crime again.
To sum up, some people would say they don’t (줄임말은 풀어써주시는 게 좋습니다. 즉, 여기의 경우 do not 으로 적어주시면 돼요.) need to research history. However, it is apparent that there is a need to learn about history because we can get insight and perspective for our present and future. (여건이 되면, discuss both 유형에서는 단순 요약보다는 내 의견에 대해 구체적으로 서술해주시면 좋습니다.)
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
일단 잘 써주셨다는 점부터 전제로 깔고 말씀드리겠습니다. 지금 대부분의 수정은 관사 관련인데, 사실 관사는 너무 깊게 들어가실 필요도 없고, 투자 대비 효율이 극악인 영역이기 때문에 지금의 수정사항도 '아 그런가보다' 하고 넘기셔도 무방합니다. 그 시간에 다른 거에 투자하는 게 훨씬 효율적이고요.
여건이 되시면, 1. 템플릿의 최소화, 2. discuss both 유형에서 결론의 보완 관련해서 고려해보시는 것도 괜찮을 겁니다. 특히 2번의 경우, 대부분의 모범답안은 결론에 어느정도 투자함을 확인할 수 있어요.
수고하셨습니다 :)