Some people claim that the media has a negative influence on contemporary society.
They think that there is very little tolerance for new ideas because of its impact.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
There is disagreement regarding the issue of the negative effect of the media on contemporary society because of its impact on making people less tolerant on new ideas. The main point of contention is related to the viewers' attitudes towards the media, but personally, I believe that media have more positive influences on people due to its contents embracing diversity.
In most cases, media affect negative impacts on people in modern society because they deliver the contents that are is hardly tolerant for new ideas. This is because media tend to highlight conventional ideas in order to keep social orders, resulting the exclusion of newly made values in our society. For instance, media try to spread the traditional idea that most young people should get married and deliver a baby to raise a birth rate for our society's good, without considering other opinions on the marriage issue. As a result, today media seems to convey nothing but an old-fashioned ideas and exclude various thoughts on certain issues, which led to make people become narrow-minded. This shows that media affect vicious influence on contemporary society in the majority of circumstances. (이 문단은 대체되어야 하는데, 자세한 사항은 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
In contrast, it is apparent that media has its own positive aspects by showing a variety of contents that can make culture more diverse and colorful. For example, today's media can represent us various people who came from different backgrounds, which can encourage us to consider more about other cultures and communities and have more tolerance for unfamiliar things. As a result, people can feel comfortable and safe when meeting people from different backgrounds. This shows that the effect of media on modern society can be positive in terms of its power of cultivating tolerance in people's minds.
To sum up, the media's influence on today's society is a contentious topic because there are opinions that support and oppose this basic idea. However, I personally believe that media has a positive impact in delivering new ideas unless it encourages to be less tolerant.
총평: (6/6/7/7) 6.5
문법/어휘는 매우 깔끔합니다. 당장 위에서 빨간 부분이 거의 없는 것을 통해 이를 확인할 수 있죠. (현재 문장들을 직접 무에서 창조하셨고, 모범답안을 필사하신 게 아니라는 가정 하에) 즉, 기본적인 영작 실력이 좋으시니까 글에 대한 요령만 조금 익히시면 적어도 task 2에서는 크게 문제가 없을 겁니다. 지금 서론이나 결론 첫 문장 등에서 템플릿을 사용하고 계신 것 같은데, 영어 실력 충분히 좋으시니까 굳이 템플릿 쓰실 필요는 없어요. 7점 이상 목표로 하시면 오히려 템플릿은 독이 되고 어차피 task 1은 템플릿 적용을 전혀 못하니까 미리미리 능동적인 글쓰기를 연습해보실 필요가 있습니다.
본론 첫 번째 문단에 대해서는 밑의 링크를 꼭 정독해주세요~해당 문단 대신 미디어가 긍정적인 면에 대해 추가 서술을 해주시면 됩니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
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