Your Answer ▼ It is believed that overpopulation is the one factor that mainly brings about serious global issues. I strongly agree with this view as I opine that almost word’s urgent troubles are caused by sharp growth in population (여기는 첫 문장을 반복하는 것에 지나지 않기 때문에 지우고 그냥 '그리고 이 글에서는 내 주장에 대한 이유를 설명할 것이다~' 와 같은 문장을 넣어주시는 게 낫습니다.).
To begin with, not all major problems in the world are caused by overpopulation. Firstly, the development of technology increases the rate of unemployment. For example, automation and the use of artificial intelligence have been grown significantly. Therefore, it is becoming difficult for people to find a job, since advanced technology can perform tasks better than them. In addition, there are natural disasters happening in the world. The natural disasters such as tsunami and earthquake occur due to climate changes, not because of human population. This means that humane does not contribute to it at all. (이 문장은 일단 표현상 어색한 부분을 수정해드렸지만, 이따 총평에서 말씀드릴 건데, 문단 자체가 지워지고 다른 내용으로 대체가 필요합니다. 자세한 사항은 총평을 확인해주세요.)
However, overpopulation has caused many issues that the world is facing. First of all, as population grows, environmental issues are worsening. There These problems are becoming more severe due to various human activities. For instance, mass production is being made in order to fulfill growing demands of world population. Moreover, the amount of natural resources becomes less and less in the world. However, the consumption of natural resources is increasing along with the growth in human population. If this trend continues to happen, the world will suffer from shortage such as water shortage. This is because those resources are not enough to supply be supplied boundlessly.
In conclusion, although there are other reasons why urgent problems in the world happen, I think that dense population is the cause that leads to the problems the most surely. Hence, we should consider various ways to tackle global issues (논제에서는 제언을 요구한 적이 없습니다.) |