▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, the sports are one of the most common and famous subjects at school. However, some people claim that it should not be encouraged at school owing to its competitiveness. But However, in my point of view, sports have played a important role at school for several reasons.
First of all, it is a well known >> 가운데 - 빼주세요 fact that the more competitions exist in game, the more interesting and exciting the games become>>the 비교급 사이에는 같은 형태의 문장이 오게 해주세요 주어 동사로 이루어진. For example, if there were only five national soccer teams in the World Cup, it would be not that popular and exciting>> 왜 인기가 없고 흥분되지 않는 지에 대해 말해주셔야 합니다. In addition, sometimes competitions lead to cooperations, especially in the team sports. In the team sports such as soccer and basketball, each players>> each 다음 단수명사 기억해주세요 has to make a good team work with other players. Otherwise>> otherwise는 두 문장을 이어주는 접속사의 기능이 없습니다 a team will never win the game, even if each of them is good enough.
Secondly, when it comes to our lives, competition is one of the most important factors that we should be faced with in todays society. Moreover, the students have to learn and prepare from the school. It is within bounds to say that our society is full of competitions between individuals and companies even by oneself. However, it has also positive effects in terms of creativity or making progress. For example, if there had not been the IBM computer company, there would have not been the Apple company like such as now. The two companies rivalled each other in making better computers, and it led to substantial improvements in a computer industry.>> 스포츠 쪽으로 예를 들었으면 더 좋을 법 합니다 컴퓨터 회사를 예를 든건 좋지만 테스크와 관련이 없죠
In conclusion, in terms of encouraging its excitement and surviving in full of competition competitive society, sports have to be encouraged to the young people at school.
Task Achievement - 7
Coherence and Cohesion - 6
Lexical Resource - 7
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
논리성에서 약간의 지적을 받은 부분이 두 곳이 있네요
6.5~7.0 예상합니다 |