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The controversy over that wheather we should take a hard stance on driving offences road traffic to reduce road tolls is still a sizzling debate. Supporters insist that the driving offences can not cannot (붙여씁니다) be reduced without the harsh punishment. Opponents though contend that the harsh punishment is a simplistic way to viewing the problem and it is not the only way to achieve safety on the road. I agree with the latter opinion as the harsh punishment is not a reasonable way to solve the problem. In this essay, opinions of both sides will be discussed and several different ways to reduce the number of traffic accidents that do not instead of punishing drivers will be set out.
To begin with, it is undeniable to point out that the number of casualties from traffic accidents have jumped dramatically and it has become more dangerous for the public to drive on the road than ever before. Thus, Ssupporters (대/소문자 주의) contend that strict punishments is the only way to achieve the safety on the road, which helps to encourage people to drive more safely. The aim of these punishments is to show that dangerous drivers' that their actions could have negative consequences. As a result, we would hope that drivers become more disciplined, and that they follow the rules more carefully.
At the other end of the scale, those who are against the use of the harsh punishments put forwards the opinion that such stopgap measure will not be contribute to a fundamental solution. I believe that safe driving can be promoted in several different ways that do not instead of punishing drivers. Firstly, it is vitally important to educate people properly before they start to drivie. We It could be done in schools and the government can create more difficult driving test. Secondly, more attention could be paid to safety on road by themselves 누구? . To do that, we should change the public perception regarding the importance of safety driving habits. The improper behaviors may result in death of unspecified individuals. (HOW? through some ads? campaign?) Finally, The the governments could reduce the number of road accidents by encouraging the public to use public transport, which means that fewer people would need to go somewhere by car (personal vehicle이 더 낫겠습니다. 대중교통도 차이기 때문에). (HOW? Public trantport 또한 차이기 때문에 기차나 지하철과 같은 교통 수단을 such as를 사용해서 나열해주는 것이 더 좋겠습니다)
In conclusion, while punishments can help to prevent bad driving habits, I believe that other road safety measures should also be introduced.
SCORE: 6+
Comment: 위에서 따로 적어 드린 바와 같이 글이 조금만 더 논리있게 그리고 문법적인 실수를 줄인다면 더 좋은 점수를 기대할 수 있겠습니다. |