▶ Your Answer :
People have divergent views with regards to
the question of punishment for crime in contemporary society. While some argue
that punishments should be fixed for each type of crime, from my personal perspective,
considering individual circumstance would be more beneficial due to inaccuracy
for calculating of how much one should be punished of each crime. This essay will
outline the both views as well as my opinion regarding this issue.
On the one hand, some people argue that
each crime should have a fixed punishment because of fairness for everyone and recognizing
their responsibility themselves. On the whole, teenagers often committed crime
easily than older people even though they know what could be happened to next because
the law protect teenagers to get forgiveness very easily easy way. In addition to
this, in modern society, rich people would like to solve the problems with
their money. This phenomenon leads to put people in a on different situation when
they make the made same mistakes as the others. In this regard, punishment should be
fixed on the same level for people to get a fair sentence. <(clarity가 조금 떨어지는 문단입니다. )
On the other hand, when we decide how much
the criminal should be punished would get punishment, the circumstance and motivation of each
crime should be considered. Crimes do are not always happened on purpose. For
example, people can accidentally murdered for self-defense from someone who tried
to attack them. It would not be on the same level with the case of a serial
killer. Given the above, the circumstance should be taken into account. <(내용 길이가 위 문단과 비슷하면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 밸런스를 맞춰주시면 좋습니다)
In conclusion, with aforementioned
reasons, while there are some opinions to argue that the punishment should be
fixed, my own view is that we should decide how much and in what way which way criminals should be will be punished according to their circumstances and motivation. < why?)
Score: 6.5 Comment: 내용은 좋은데 clarity가 조금 떨어지고 문법에 많이 틀리시고 계십니다. 특히 시제난 동사같은 경우에 틀리시고 계십니다. register가 낮게 들리는 문장구상도 있습니다. 조금 더 내용이랑 글 정리를 하시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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