▶ Your Answer :
Cycling is beneficial for individuals’ health and for the environment. However, a bicycle it is not popular among people for several reasons. However, The main reason could be due to the children and the physical exhaustion. To solve this issue, the government could provide the bicycle friendly facilities and monorails. This essay will discuss about the reasons for unpopularity in riding a bicycle and discuss in details about the government policies on providing bicycle friendly facilities and monorails. There are several possible causes leading people to be get discouraged from riding bicycle.; Exhaustion, impossibility long distance trips, and children could be one issues,but the main causes can be the children. In other words, it may not be possible for children to bike for long distanced, which also could be why it is difficult for families to plan cycling trips. children may not possible riding for a long distance and it could be difficult for a family to plan a trip by a bicycle. Therefore, people may not plan for their journey done by riding a bicycle. In addition to this, people may not plan a long trip by riding a bicycle because of all the storage issues. Since people have to carry many lots of things that adds more weight to their ride ridings and result in more tiredness. Therefore, due to the tiredness and storage issues, people would not use the bicycle as the main form of transport to travel. <(한 문단으로 정리를 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 여행을 하기 위해 자전거가 main transport로 유명하지 않다 라고 들립니다. 질문의 주제는 그저 일반적으로 자전거를 이용하는게 유명하지 않다 라고 하고 있습니다.) To solve these issues, the government could provide some useful facilities. The government could provide the monorails for inadequate riders (children and elders). The government could place the mono rails next to the bicycle lanes. Therefore, this could relax people and make it easy to travel with a family. Furthermore, the government can provide the "rider-friendly facilities". The cyclists would not have to carry all the heavy stuffs with their bike ridings, because they can simply ride until the facility areas where it provides food, drink, mets<(?), bicycle storage, shower booths and tents. To do that, the provision of the riders-friendly facilities can encourage people to ride a bicycle for a journey. <(이 두 문단도 한 문단으로 정리를 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다.)
In conclusion, despite all other reasons for people to not riding a bike, the children and the impossibility of long trips could be the main reason. The government could introduce various facilities to help cyclists to ride comfortably in order to encourage the use of bicycle.
Score: 5.5 Comment: 에세이의 focus가 질문과는 조금 off 합니다. 자전거 이용을 여행으로 specify/limit을 해서 그런 것 같습니다. 그렇기 때문에 질문을 잘 답해주고 있지 않습니다. Solution에 대한 내용도 질문을 잘 답해주지 않습니다. Monorail는 자전거 사용을 encourage하는 것 보다는 그저 여행을 조금 더 편하게 할수 있는 방법입니다. Monorail을 이용을 한다면 자전거를 이용 하는 것이 오히려 줄어듭니다. 조금 더 general한 이유와 그에 solution을 제시 해주시면 될 것 같습니다. 문법상 어색한 표현이나 문장구조가 일부 있습니다. 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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