▶ Your Answer :There is are
no doubt that a humans cannot prevent climate changes even if they use the
latest development technology. Some people argue as I agree to some extent that
they should find the way to live with adapting to climate changes without any
prevention. I, however, disagree to some extent with this contention about live
with it, as it has negative impacts towards people when it comes suddenly. <(다음 내용을 읽으면 글쓴이는 completely disagree하는 것 처럼 들리기 때문에 I agree라는 주장을 빼주셔도 될 것 같습니다. 왜 partially agree하시는지 서술을 해주시지 않았습니다)
It is
true to some extent that human is less likely to live in the climate which has
changed rapidly. Weather conditions also can only be predicted and its data cannot be
collected accurately data. In Korea, for example, in the morning before people commuted
to workplaces, the weather cast were alerted to bring an the umbrella but it was usually wrong
and it became a burden for citizens. Moreover, the latest evolution of
technology does not even inhibit the variety of climate events. <(주제를 조금 잘못 이해 한것 같습니다. 매일 바뀌는 날씨가 아닌 global warming이나 ozone layer 때문에 생기는 기후변화입니다. 즉, 몇년 전 보다는 더 더워지고 더 오랫동안 덥고 또는 더 추워지거나 더 오랫동안 추워지는 그런 climate change에 대한 주제 입니다)
However,
geographic experts should find a way of reducing the damages to human life when
it comes avoiding. Sometimes, when huge climate events come to change, it
always brings brought about some evidence such as people could be smell the gas
emissions on the footpath and groups of ant were moving along the way of
ashore. In Japan, for instance, everything was sunk by a tsunami many years ago
and it came suddenly without warning which were accompanied with detrimental impacts
to human life such as destroyed lots of buildings and countless deaths of people have
died. If people have planned a initiative to inhibit climate changes as much as
they can, it would not lead be led people to be affected against huge impacts of the climate. <(preventing climate change는 natural disasters를 prevent하는게 아니라 더 이상 기후변화를 악화시키는 것을 prevent하는 것 입니다. 예를 들어 going more eco friendly/ limiting gas emissions/recycling more/planting more trees 등등이 있습니다)
To
conclude, it is clear that I believe that people need to prevented weather
changes instead of living with it which disables people to live safely. In
addition, people should need to contribute to collect more accurate information
and some organizations need to invest in this industry to find a way to get
less damaged.
Score: 4.5 Comment: 질문의 주제를 조금 잘못 이해 하신 것 같습니다. 주제가 말하는 climate change는 매일 바뀌는 날씨나 날씨 변동 또는 natural disasters에 대한 것이 아니라 전 세계적인 기후 변화 입니다. 즉, global warming/pollution 로 부터 인한 날씨가 더 더워지거나/추워지거나 더 오랫동안 하나의 계절이 진행되는 기후변화에 대한 주제입니다. 그렇기 때문에 weather forecast나 predicting weathers나 predicting natural disasters에 내용 보다는 더 더워지는 기후변화와 살아가는 방법이나 preventing을 하는 방법을 서술 해주셨어야합니다. Preventing 하는 방법은 recycling/limiting gas emission/using more public transportation/planting more trees/reducing wastes/ 등등이 있습니다. 문법에도 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수동태-능동태 활용/문맥에 맞는 단어형태/plurality/number agreement (verb/pronouns/nouns)/capitalization/punctuation에 틀리시고 계십니다. 특히 capitalization에 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다. 문장을 시작하실때는 꼭 대문자로 시작해주셔야합니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |