The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain
on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved.
Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem id to introduce
more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent to you
agree or disagree?
Owing to the problem with a growing number of overweight
people becoming a becomes heavy burden on the health care system, some people believe the
key to solve this issue is to introduce more sport lessons in schools. However,
I am convinced that the most effective way to tackle the problem is to provide
a wide range of health goods at school’s cafeteria.
(엔터는 두 번 칩니다. 이것도 점수에 들어가므로 주의해주세요!)
Firstly, obesity is most likely caused by what people eat –
their diet. Compared to Asian countries such as Korea or Japan, schools in North
America where the high rate of obesity becomes a huge social problem have fewer
options of student’s meal. Foods with such high calories including pizza,
hamburger or coke can be found everywhere at school, while healthy food can rarely
be seen in the cafeteria. Even worse, that it is an undeniable fact that these foods are less healthy, and much cheaper. That let students drive to select unhealthier food. In other
words, under the circumstances where there are various kinds of
nutritionally-balanced meal at lower price, students are likely to have them
more often.
Another point to consider is that people who have has been eating
something healthy since they were younger will probably raise their children
with the same way. The children learn what their parents eat and how they treat
high calories food as negative, and they naturally grow up with the similar
eating habit to their parents. That is a reason why in many cases, overweight
children are more likely to have the parents who are suffering from the same
health issue. Therefore, encouraging the younger to eat healthy is significant
in order for them to bring up their children in the future. This is certainly a
natural and lasting way to improve public health.
In conclusion, to deal with an increasing population of
overweight people, changing the eating habit of the coming generation is most
effective way in long term, by offering more options of healthy food at
schools.
총평: (7/6/7/7) 7.0
잘 써주셨습니다. 문법에서의 자잘한 오류가 보이는데 주의해주시고, 엔터도 꼭 두 번 눌러주세요~
사실 여기서 8점 이상 나아기기 위해서는 내용상으로는 일단 논제에 주어진 사항인 체육 수업의 확대부터 부정하고 가야하지만, 어차피 7점대에서는 크게 중요한 사항은 아니고, 지금 정도의 어휘+문법+내용만으로도 충분합니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)