Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Everyone has a different style of having a leisure time. Some people prefer doing some productive activities during their free time, while others some people mainly focus on relaxing and relieving stress. Even though both ways are equally beneficial for people, I personally believe having a break during free time is better personally.
To begin with, people who prefer spending their leisure time productively by reading, doing board games and watching instructions tend to be competitive. They can feel a sense of satisfaction when they experience the improvement of their skills. For example Furthermore, those, people who enjoy spending time doing productive activities while their free time answered that they feel like they are wasting time if they are not doing anything.
On the one other (이런 단순 실수가 나지 않도록 주의해주세요~) hand, people who put resting their mind on the top priority regarded free time as the time to let go of for letting go everything. These people believe that relaxing without thinking anything stressful is the ultimate purpose of having free time. They gain energy and power to function well after being well-rested unlike people who try to find works to do all the time. In a study, some people’s stress index increased when they had been forced to do a puzzle during their free time. Personally, I fully agree with this type of people since I do not like to be interrupted by any activities that the brain activities are needed when I’m (줄임말은 풀어써주시면 됩니다. 즉 여기의 경우 I am 으로 써주시면 돼요.) having my personal time.
To sum up, there are a plenty (구어 쪽에 해당하는 표현이라 가급적이면 대체해주시는 게 좋습니다.) of ways for people to spend their free time. As everyone’s personality, culture, and backgrounds are all different, people’s outlooks towards free time are different too. Therefore all opinions should be respected. (40분/274글자/수정안함/마지막에 훑어볼 시간 없었음)
총평: (7/6/6/7) 6.5
이전 글과 마찬가지로 크게 문제되는 사항은 없었고, 주로 자잘한 오류들만 보완해주시면 되겠습니다. 김먹수님 영어 실력은 좋은 축에 속하므로 몇 가지 요령만 익혀나가시면 충분히 좋은 점수를 기대할 수 있을 것 같네요. 수고하셨습니다 :)