▶ Your Answer : Today, the professors in universities University upload their lecture materials on the Internet for student's convenience and the importance of participating the class in person has been decreased. So<informal), the desirability of carrying out the lecture by using the Internet is desirable or not and the effect to academic study has become a the controversial issue. In this essay, I will demonstrate the value of the Internet and the future later effect in education.
It is common that students can take classes in everywhere and anytime without place and time limitation by using the Internet. Today, they enroll in the online courses if they have an accessible device, and ID and password. In the present, many online classes provide convertible platforms so that student can attend the class not only through a computer, but also by using a smartphone, and a tablet PC. What is more, the people who are involved in full-time job or housewife is possible to participate in class in parallel with their work. It will reduce the rate of absence absent and cancelled lectures no lecture compared to classroom lectures in person. <(so what? 문단의 결론은 무엇인가요? 두 질문과 크게 연관성이 없어 보이는 문단입니다. of no value가 될수 있으며 감점 요인이 될 수 있습니다) (Need better cohesion) Internet-based classes provide to students can to take watch the lecture course repetitively. Since almost internet lectures supports many lots of functions like repeating a specific part, speed control, pausing, etc.<이 두 문장은 하나의 문장으로 쓰셔야합니다. stand alone 할 수 없는 clause들 입니다. 또한 formal essay에서는 etc를 사용하지 않으시는게 좋습니다> It makes users convenient to study. As they use using these functions, the degree of understanding and the depth of acquisition of knowledge will grow. So, it is expected that it will increase the professionalism professionality of students. (Need better transition/cohesion) Online lecture is a new method which escapes from the ordinary class. Existing classes have carried out as one-way, on teacher stands alone in front of many students.<(무엇을 전달하고자 하는지 모르겠습니다.) Therefore, it is strict and not all of the students can concentrate on the lecture. But the online foundation gives students an atmosphere of freedom. So, students can cast their opinions and questions not interrupt the class. <(이 문장도 무엇을 전달 하고자 하는지 잘 모르겠습니다) Moreover, they can get details and quick feedback from the lecturer and participants.
In conclusion, the Internet has become an advantageous tool for providing students with a higher quality of education. Internet technology creates more changes for students all around the world both in the present now and in the future. And it reduces the necessity of attending the classes directly.
Score: 4 Comment: 전체적으로 내용은 advantages of online classes 인 것 처럼 들립니다. 결론이 잘 도드라지지 않으며 질문을 또한 잘 답해주고 있지않습니다. 또한 문단별 흐름이 좋지 않습니다. Composition에 조금 더 신셩을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 에세이를 읽으면 online lectures가 good idea라고 추릴 수 있지만 에세이가 질문에 답을 해주는 것 같아 보이지는 않습니다. 또한 두 번째 질문을 답해주는 내용이 body에 없습니다. Conclusion에 쓰신 것 같습니다. 하지만 conclusion에는 새로운 질문을 답해주는 것 보다는 에세이 전체에 대한 결론을 써주셔야합니다. 문법상 informal 한 표현이 있습니다. 단순/복수형과 sentence verb agreement에도 자주 틀리시고 계십니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |