Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement.
To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?
It is increasingly difficult to ignore the fact that the environment pollution is getting serious and causing a variety of problems due to the citizens who do not recycle their wastes from home in the modern society. Regarding this issue, if, on the one hand, it can be said that law about the recycling should be made to improve those problems immediately, on the other hand, it can also be said that raising civic duty is the number one priority. Personally, I believe that enacting law will be helpful for better ecosystem. (두 가지 관점이 모두 나와있는 본론을 고려했을 때, 이 문장은 '나는 두 조치 모두가 필요하다고 생각한다' 라고 가주셔야 합니다. 혹은 여기를 그대로 둔채 본론1을 본론2와 같은 맥락으로 가도록 바꾸거나요. 이에 대해서는 총평에서 링크를 넣어드리겠습니다.)
There are those with a belief that the most of the individuals could be changed under the force of law. It is common that people tend to follow the law to avoid paying high fines. For example, if there is a closed-circuit television(CCTV), the drivers never go past the speed limit in a on the road because they are scared of of scaring the heavy fine. Another reason why they believe this contention is that it is more significant to conserve the environment for the next generation rather than the personal freedom. It is no exaggeration to say that the earth will be destroyed in the future without the strenuous efforts to create the relevant law. (환경 보호는 법 쪽만 관련되는 내용이 아니라, 밑의 인식 개선과도 연관이 있기 때문에 적절하지 않습니다.)
From the other standpoint, others are not content with the aforementioned benefits of creating law for recycling garbage. It is not only difficult to legislate for everyone but also even hard to do it all. In addition, more and more people are finding it possible for their children to have a habit of recycling through parental education as they are grown growing up. Such being the case, we can save a considerable amount of money. Another compelling evidence of this contention is that there are people who simply dismiss the law and it is too hard to catch those kinds of people.
Without going in circles, I am inclined to be the same opinion of that laws are needed to make people recycle more of their wastes and also we needed to take account of the necessity of education.
총평: (5/5/6/6) 5.5
서론에서는 법만 강조하고 있는데, 결론의 경우 법+인식 개선을 모두 강조하고 있는 등, 현재 글은 일관성이 부족한 상황입니다. 여기에 암기에 따른 감점까지 더하면, 생각보다 큰 타격을 각오하셔야겠고요.
무조건 템플릿에만 의존하지 마시고, 템플릿을 베이스로 하되, '논제가 나한테 뭘 쓰기를 요구하는지', '내 최종 입장이 무엇인지, 그리고 그게 본론의 흐름과 잘 일치하는지' 등을 항상 꼼꼼하게 따져주세요~밑의 링크에서 추가적인 설명을 참고하시면 되겠습니다.
https://www.gohackers.com/?c=ielts/ielts_info2/ielts_method&p=3&type=url&uid=471212
수고하셨습니다 :)