Your Answer ▼ The countries that are not able to afford funds by themselves needs some help from all over the world. It There can be many ways, but some people say that financial help should be a priority or there is a group that while other people insist more practical aid such as new technologies, infra system is more crucial. In this essay, I'll look both sides will be discussed and conclude which one is more reasonable my own opinion will be presented. One of the reasons why some think that financial help is more valuable is the economic aid is related to people's survive survival more than anything. Due to the financial aid, they can afford drinkable clean water, foods on a regular basis. Without those, they can not even survive long periods of time. (엔터x) More than that, to accept the practical aid rather than another, they have so many people that are desperate for the aid.(무슨 의미인가요?) If the country can not take all expenses for supporting them, the aim(무엇이었을까요?) that other countries expect will not be satisfied. (마지막 두 문장이 무엇을 전달하고자 한 것인지 잘 이해가 되지 않습니다.) On the other hand, others claim that just giving money aid can not be a solution in a long term. It should go for making new infra system, such as building schools, hospitals, transportations. Because they have been helping the countries financially so long, but it does not seem to happen by the looks of it.(경제적 도움을 줘서 어떻게 되었다는 것인지 comma 이후에 써주셔야 합니다.) Secondly, most of developing countries have a lot of resources on and under the ground which means that they can use it them to trade and get a lot of money. It is a well-known fact that they have a lot of resources can be used in a lot of countries in Africa. (이 문단의 핵심 내용은 practical aid and advice를 줘야한다는 입장의 근거들을 제시하는 게 되어야 하는데, 지금 practical aid and advice 입장 쪽과 financial aid 입장 쪽이 혼용되어 서술되고 있는 느낌이라 핵심 내용이 정확히 전달되지 않습니다.) In conclusion, I believe that more technical aid with great advices is more beneficial for them developing countries in the long term if it is with some financial aid. The developing countries are able to find great solutions in other type of ways of help more than just funds all over the world, and it can make remarkable effects for them eventually. |